Baby Steps
by YYG
Summary: Warning: Mpreg! If that's not your thing then I'm sorry, swearing, SanZo. Sanji and Zoro follow the steps to a pregnant guide, but it's also a competition. What will Chopper give to the winner, and can they follow the steps correctly for the sake of their child?
1. Chapter 1

Me: Well, until I think of more ideas, I might not be posting for a while. So enjoy this until I return!

Mid: Hopefully soon!

Disclaimer: We own absolutely NOTHING. Well, except a 55-year-old cat.

The little reindeer continued to follow the swordsman around the deck of the Sunny in a frantic panic. Zoro tried his best not to snap and tell the kid to piss off, but who knows what might happen if this went on. As the ship's cook came from the galley, Chopper began to sob, tugging on Zoro's pants leg. Sanji wasn't sure if he wanted to know what was going on, but he figured that it'll involve him sooner or later. The blonde cautiously strolled over to the two, automatically kneeling beside Chopper. With his hand on the reindeer's large hat, he cooed, "Aw, what's the matter?"

Chopper wiped his tears away with the back of his hove, stuttering, "Z-Zoro won't l-let me give him a c-check-up." Sanji stood up and scowled at his naïve boyfriend, aiming a kick for his chest. It was blocked with ease, but flared the marimo's irritation. What the hell was the big deal about a single check-up anyway? The cook let his foot fall to the ground, but immediately lunged for Zoro's pierced ear. The swordsman growled as his earrings were tugged, helpless against the grip.

"Damn it, just get the check-up over with," Sanji demanded, shoving the swordsman towards the small doctor. Rubbing his throbbing ear, Zoro sighed. There was a reason why he wasn't going to get checked out, and if Sanji knew, he'd leave him the hell alone. But the reason was so impossible, so degrading, so damn _strange_ that telling would only leave him embarrassed. Chopper clapped his hooves together pleadingly, chocolate-brown eyes tearing up again. "Please Zoro! It's really really important!"

"No, it's really really bullshit," the swordsman yelled, causing the doctor to flinch. The blonde inhaled deeply, calmly grabbing a fistful of the bastard's hair (fuck the complaints) and stalked off to the infirmary. Once there, Sanji threw Zoro on the table roughly, giving Chopper the signal to start. The reindeer was hesitant, but Sanji stayed by the door to make sure nothing happened. Making the kid sad like that; he was the doctor, damn it. He deserved as much respect as the ladies. especially if you wanted to stay healthy. Zoro struggled as Chopper climbed on the table and began the normal procedure; tongue presser, stethoscope, knee hammer. When suddenly, Chopper searched threw his medical cabinet and pulled out an oddly shaped stick.

"Alright, Zoro. I'll need you to urinate on this."

"The fuck?" Sanji said aloud, gaining the doctor's attention. The smug swordsman flashed an "I told you so" look at the confused cook. Yes, Chopper was accusing him of _that_. What Zoro was not expecting was that the blonde's response was applied to _him_.

"Zoro, you're pregnant and refused to see Chopper? What the fuck is wrong with you, potentially damaging our child?" Sanji snarled. How dare the shitty bastard do something so heartless! Zoro stared in awe at their stupidity. It was impossible, after all. Besides, Chopper only assumed because he's had a small case of morning sickness. Totally natural. Chopper attempted to calm the cook down as the swordsman hopped off the examination table, glaring at them both.

"You dumbass. You believe him, too?" he asked. Sanji nodded vigorously; did Zoro not know about **him**? The small reindeer gaped in horror as he ordered the swordsman to sit back down. Confused at the doctor's sudden strict attitude, Zoro obeyed regardless. "Zoro, you don't remember-"

"Donquixote Doflamingo," Sanji said, slowly lighting his cigarette. He took one puff before Chopper innocently swiped it away and snubbed it out, but he didn't dwell on it. Zoro hummed in thought for a moment before stating, "Creepy Fingers?"

The cook sighed, but nodded anyway. Only Zoro would remember someone for their odd features, not their titles. How could Zoro not notice the state Doflamingo was in while fighting? He ran out of breath quickly, swollen ankles, when he thought no one was looking, he'd sneak a rice cake in his mouth. And hell, he wasn't putting on a few extra pounds, he was _showing_. Zoro still didn't believe them one bit, so Chopper sighed. "Zoro," he said, "it's not uncommon. I mean, it's certainly rare, but not impossible. You see, it may sound strange, but the cause of male pregnancy is hereditary. You wouldn't be a freak, nor is anyone else, but this, um, occurrence usually comes from the mother. It's possible that when you were born, you somehow received both reproductive organs. You may not have a uterus, but you...may produce eggs in your testicles instead of sperm."

Sanji only nodded along with the other's words, though he only understood bits and pieces. The swordsman huffed mockingly, "So, if I am pregnant, which I'm _not_, a baby would grow inside my balls?"

Chopper snickered, but provided a serious answer, "No, the baby would develop in the abdomen." Zoro stood stock still as he listened. Was he serious? Was he seriously suggesting he was part female? No. Hell, no. The swordsman shook his head as he stood again, alerting the doctor. Sanji shifted his weight onto his left foot visibly, making sure the threat got through to Zoro. The marimo hesitated, but gave in, reluctantly sitting back down. He wasn't going to risk it.

"Please," Chopper pressed.

"Damn it, I'm not! Just because I've been sick doesn't mean I'm with fucking child! Do you see me stuffing my face with random snacks? Do you see me getting emotional? No, hell no, you don't. Is that good enough for you, Cho-" The small reindeer was crying hysterically, using Sanji's pants as a tissue. The blonde glared at Zoro with disapproval, patting the doctor gently on the head. The swordsman opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out. He didn't mean for his rant to hurt the little guy's feelings; he just wanted to prove a point. What did he have to do to make it up, take the stupid test? Would _that_ make them piss off?

Zoro snatched the pregnancy test off of the counter angrily, growling. He observed it thoroughly, turning it in all directions. Sanji watched as his marimo cursed under his breath and began to push them out of the room. Chopper protested, saying that he needed to show him how to use it, but Zoro claimed that he would figure it out. Once the door was closed, the cook and doctor stared at it in silence. Was Zoro really going through with this?

"Fuck," came from behind the door suddenly. Sanji raised an eyebrow, then flashed a cocky smirk.

"Get me a lot of water, shit-cook. It's...gonna be a while."

H{}H

Sanji and Chopper waited outside the infirmary, on account of Zoro threatening that if they set foot inside, he'd treat them like construction paper. Eventually, the passing captain became interested in his nakama's standing around, feeling compelled to ask what they were doing. Chopper felt like he shouldn't tell, but Luffy was the captain after all, so he deserved the right to know. Sanji gave the reindeer a reassuring look before he spoke, "There's a possibility that Zoro might be pregnant, so, Luffy-"

"AWEEE~SOME~!" Luffy cheered excitedly. Apparently, he didn't care how it happened, all he knew was baby equals a new friend, which is never bad. Chopper hushed him, fearing that the marimo would hear. The last thing he needed was an uncooperative, pissed off swordsman. The rubber captain nodded energetically, jumping up and down. The blonde set his hand on top of the straw hat, ceasing Luffy's movements. He held his index finger up to his lips, "Luffy, it's only a possibility, meaning that he might not be, too. Until we know for sure, don't tell him that we told you, 'kay?" The captain nodded, his neck waving inhumanly side to side as he walked back up to the deck. Hopefully, Luffy kept his mouth shut for once.

Zoro came out of the room seconds later, expressionless. Chopper ushered his way into his territory, leaving the swordsman alone with the cook for a moment. The silence was tense, well, for the moss-head. Sanji only continued to stare at him, waiting for him to speak. Zoro cleared his throat, signaling that he was very uncomfortable. The cook broke the God awful quietness.

"So, you didn't tell Chopper because you didn't want my baby?" Sanji assumed flatly. The swordsman's eyes widened, but anger quickly engulfed them. What the hell was the shit-cook talking about?

"Idiot, if I could get pregnant, which I _can't_, I wouldn't do a low-down dirty thing like that. Hell, I'd make sure you paid me child support." Sanji broke out into a fit of giggles at that. It was oddly nice to know that Zoro would keep their baby. Secretly, Sanji hoped the swordsman could bear his child, maybe they'd start a family. Ah, raising a beautiful daughter, or a handsome son, growing up over time with their Aunts Nami and Robin, living in All Blue, located in the Grand...Line. Sanji cringed; this sea was so _dangerous_! They could never have children while they lived on the open sea. It would be too much of a risk, especially when marines or other pirates attacked. Zoro noticed his love's pained expression, reaching a comforting hand out to him. Sanji shook his head suddenly; no, undevolped-baby matters come first.

"Zoro, if you _are _pregnant-"

"Which I'm _not_," the marimo emphasized.

"-the haramaki would have to go," the cook finished. Zoro gave a startled look, clearly shocked and confused. His haramaki of all things? He found himself spluttering out, "W-why?"

"'Cause extra heat isn't good for the baby. Plus, you only use it for your swords, right?"

"No, I mean...th-that's not the _only_ reason I..."

"Oh?" Sanji pressed, "Then what else, marimo? Tell me how useful your waist's version of a ponytail holder is." Zoro shrugged lazily, avoiding eye contact. He just really liked it, and givng it up wouldn't feel right, especially for nine months. As the cook waited, the swordsman spoke aimlessly, going with the flow of his thoughts, "It's...warm. And it's...cozy. Uh, and warm and, um-" Chopper poked his head through the still slightly open infirmary door, glancing up at the two and claiming that it would take a few hours. Zoro silently thanked the reindeer for his distraction, taking the hint and walking towards the galley. Sanji let it slide as he followed, but he already knew the other just wore it for fashion reasons. And he called him a priss for his suits?

H{}H

The marimo sat at the table while Sanji skillfully got dinner finished. After a while, Zoro stood up and strolled over to the second cabinet, reaching in to retrieve no doubt sake. Sanji was next to him in less than a breath, swatting the swordsman's hand with a steaming hot wooden spoon. With a surprised yelp, the throbbing hand jerked backwards, leaving a scowling marimo. The cook scowled back, growling, "Dumbass, no liquor. You could hurt the baby!"

The shitty cook actually thought there was a child in him? Zoro was getting sick of Chopper pester him, and now he couldn't even get a decent drink? Pfft, seriously? He reached for the bottle again, but the spoon came down faster and harder the second time, actually drawing a scream from his lips. Sanji's frown was glued on; he was determined, wasn't he? Zoro attempted one more time, but the spoon painfully collided with the back of his head this time. He didn't scream, but grunted irritably, giving up and going back to his seat.

"Stay there," Sanji growled, returning to his dishes. Zoro leaned on his arm limply as the rest of the crew (except Chopper) piled in the room. Franky and Usopp were talking about how they would repair the lower deck after their failed experiment, Luffy shoveled as much food into his face without breathing, and Robin and Nami casually chatted while they took their time with their plates. Sanji set Zoro's plate in front of him, which consisted of a large portion of vegetables, a slightly smaller helping of potatoes, and a medium-sized steak. It was so much bigger than what he usually had that he couldn't help the frown slowly forming on his face. He also noticed that his plate had what appeared to be mini bowling bumpers on the sides, which greatly offended him. He glared at Sanji beside him, kicking him in the shin under the table. He tensed, obviously in pain, directing his focus on his pissed off lover. "What?"

"'What'? The fuck do you mean 'what'?" the swordsman whispered angrily, "The hell are these things?" He pointed at the bumpers, earning a sigh from the cook.

"There used to keep kids from splattering their food everywhere. Why?" Zoro growled. Because he was supposedly pregnant he was expected to eat like a starved, caged beast? The cook was asking for some damn trouble by his actions. Either he was just being an asshole or he seriously believed he was going to tear up the table like a Tasmanian devil. Fuck that, Sanji was going to pay.

The marimo grabbed his fork, piled a fairly large portion of carrots onto it, and slammed it into his glass of water, causing the liquid to thrash and spill. Everyone glanced at him worriedly, wondering what his problem was. Zoro over-dramatically shrugged, "Oops, excuse me. I guess I'm just one, big, uncoördinated fuck now, aren't I?"

"Zoro, just because your knocked up hormones are out of whack doesn't mean you need to be sarcastic," Franky stated, finishing his potatoes casually. The swordsman stared in horror and shock as no one else reacted to his fucked up sentence. Like this shit was normal! Sanji glared at the captain, who met his gaze with mild confusion. He swallowed his mouthful of meat before muttering, "What is it?"

"I told you not to fucking _tell_," the blonde shouted urgently, ignoring the baffled look on his lover's face. Luffy nodded, taking another overly big bite out of a juicy steak, "Yeah," he munched, "you tol' me 'ot to tell Zowo. I didn'." The marimo grabbed Sanji's unsuspecting tie, yanking him forward to face him. The cook flinched, keeping his feet rooted to the floorboards. The asshole actually told Luffy of all people? Now everyone thought he was fucking pregnant, and didn't even freak out!

"Fight me, you bastard," Zoro growled, releasing the chef and drawing Wadou out. Sanji shook his head instantly, refusing to even yell at the marimo. The swordsman huffed, stomping his foot like an angry toddler.

"I refuse to hit a pregnant man."

Just as the cook was about to get sent overboard, the small doctor barged into the galley. He was panting, obviously he ran there, grinned happily and pointing a confident hoove at Zoro.

_Fuck_, Zoro thought.

Me: I'm sorry for my half-assed male pregnancy explanation. It seemed simpler in my head.

Mid: If you likey, reviewy!


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: Nothing is mine, Mid's, or even YOURS! MWUHAHAHA!...Unless you're Oda. Then, well, you're living the good life.

Also, 11shadesofgrey you made my morning! XD I was thinking the exact same thing, so you'll be satisfied later!

When the Baby Comes...What Happens?

Once the announcement was finalized, the crew each had their own little moments. Franky was ecstatic about building a separate room along with all kinds of toys, Usopp thought it was only one of the captain's jokes, so the idea of a pregnant pirate hunter made him go hysterical with laughter, Brook went below deck to practice both old and original lullabies, Chopper was happy just to prove the swordsman wrong, Sanji was looking through baby cook books, Nami thought about passing Zoro's debt onto the baby, and Robin already knew, on account of the moss head's frequent "morning sickness" fits. Zoro was still having a hard time believing all of this. A _thing_ was growing inside of him? Granted, he's never even _seen_ a pregnant woman, but he expected to get fat. Yes, no one has ever been pregnant around him as a child, so where was he going to see pregnancy in action?

Everyone let Zoro have a little thinking time to himself, except Sanji, and left the kitchen, filled with ideas for their new nakama. The blonde was too busy trying to find healthy things to cook for meals, along with quick comfort snacks, to notice how distressed Zoro was, who was unmoving from the table. Wow. A baby. A goddamned baby would come out of Roronoa Zoro. The swordsman couldn't fathom this single thought enough.

"Oi, marimo. You okay?" Sanji asked, glancing up from the recipes.

"I don't know. If you just found out you were pregnant, along with being half female, would you feel fucking okay?" Zoro hissed. It felt like his whole world came crashing down, filling his head with despairing, dark thoughts. What if the baby would prevent him from his dream? What if he would never be the same? How long was his asshole going to stop hurting after it was over? All of these questions; never to be answered until the time came. Worst of all, how was he going to survive nine whole months?

"Well, I don't know about the actual birth part, but I'm glad we're having a kid. So yeah, I'm okay. I'm fine with it, especially since my baby mama is my only love," the cook cooed affectionately, setting the book down and walking over to hug the other. Zoro was surprised at the response, but still extremely pissed about one thing.

"Why the hell did _I_ have to be the one carrying?"

Sanji snuggled against him, "'Cause you're so damn protective." Though it was true, Zoro didn't think he was protective in a motherly way. Hell, that still didn't give him a proper answer to his question. Chopper entered the galley, carrying a thick medical book titled _The Pregnant Journey_. At first, Zoro pushed the damned thing off the table in rage, but the reindeer would set it in front of him no matter how many times he did it. Sanji leaned on his boyfriend's shoulder and opened up to page one, reading word for word aloud.

"'If you are newly pregnant, you may have tons of questions like what will be expected? How will your body change? What's happening inside you?'"

"Tch, amen," Zoro scoffed irritably.

"'It's difficult to know exactly when conception is occurred, so doctors calculate your due dates from your menstrual cycle. As far as calculation purposes, you were pregnant before you even conceived'," the cook snickered at the swordsman's body immediately tensing. Oh, this entire situation must be killing his pride. Pages 1-12 basically talked about how Zoro should eat properly and get plenty of rest, as well as visit Chopper regularly. Once everything was said and done, Chopper left the couple to wallow in their own private matters.

"Cook," the swordsman spoke after a tense silence, "what do you think...will change?"

Sanji shrugged, "Well, nothing much. Nami-swan and Robin-chwan would still be beautiful creatures, Franky and Usopp will still slowly kill the Sunny with explosions, Chopper will keep fussing over the kid's health, Luffy will wanna be the big brother-"

"But not the damn role model."

"-and Brook would probably take the liberty of putting it to sleep. Either way, everything is gonna be all right."

Sanji eventually took the guide-book in hand and motioned for the swordsman to follow him. Confused, Zoro stayed seated. He wasn't going anywhere the shit-cook told him to. Last time he did that, well, congratulations were given. The blonde frowned when the marimo didn't seem to be moving, curling his finger towards the galley door and turning off the light. Zoro sighed irritably as he stood, yawning in the process. He hadn't realized it was so late. The moonlight practically illuminated the kitchen more than the small light bulb could. "We might as well go to sleep. Staying up wouldn't be good fo-"

"Say it and you'll never take a piss the same way again," Zoro growled as he walked past. Sanji smirked, "Okay, then you'll never _moan_ the same way again." The swordsman's eyes widened and his breath hitched slightly as previous memories of nights with the cook invaded his mind. A blush crept onto his cheeks as he slipped past Sanji, whose smirk only grew broader. These next few months might be hell for the marimo, but Sanji was going to have the time of his life.

Me: Sorry it's so short. It'll go by in months until the baby is born, meaning nine main chapters. Maybe I'll add in a few extras...

Mid: The next chapter will be month one! Review!


	3. Month One

Me: Posting again! I had to post this one soon so I could think about more ideas! Enjoy~!

Month One Checklist: May

_~Evaluate your doctor, midwife, or group practice and decide if it's right for you and your pregnancy. ~Discuss any possible on-the-job hazards with your doctor or midwife. ~Evaluate your diet and begin taking prenatal vitamins if recommended by your doctor or midwife.. ~If you smoke or drink, quit now. ~Prepare a budget to save for when your baby arrives._

Zoro sat in the infirmary once again, for the twelfth time that damn day, trying to convince a worrisome Chopper. The little doctor was doubting his skills about him not being the right person to handle Zoro's condition, saying that he wasn't experienced with this kind of thing. The swordsman assured him _several_ times that it was okay, and that he was his only hope in checking up on him. Again, Chopper grew insecure about this, but Zoro rudely told him to shut up and accept it.

"But, what if I screw something up? What if I accidentally injury it, or-or worse? Zoro, I don't think I can," the reindeer desperately whined. Zoro shrugged lazily. It's not like he didn't care because, after a certain cook's rant about how precious babies are, he cared deeply about having a kid. Besides, who wouldn't be annoyed with visiting the doctor millions of times in one day? What he did _not_ care for was Chopper's lame theory. The doctor wanted him and Sanji to participant in a Baby 101 class; learning how to properly care for a newborn. And he wasn't on the same boat.

The cook came into the infirmary after Chopper's heartfelt, innocent but corny speech was done. Sanji sat next to the marimo, silently taking in the other's distress. He knew Zoro didn't give a damn about this; he would depend on his instincts when the baby was born. If his instincts were in anyway related to his sense of directions, the poor kid wouldn't last a second with its parents! Chopper delicately handed them a pale, naked, plastic baby doll; one dark brown eye closed (or stuck?) while the other lid bobbed indecisively. The swordsman grimaced at it; he was supposed to pretend this shit was his child? It looked like a wolf mauled it to pieces.

"What is that?" Zoro bitterly questioned.

"Heh heh, it's a doll. I found it on the last island we stopped at, and I thought it would come in handy for something. Don't worry; I sterizlied it," Chopper assured.

"I don't give a damn about that. It's just...weird looking."

The cook gasped, "But it's our baby! I will not have you downgrading our child, marimo!"

When Chopper handed them the piece of plastic, Sanji held the head gently as Zoro held the body the completely opposite way. The plastic legs were hanging out of his arms in a way that if Sanji wasn't holding it also, it would have already collided with the floor. The doctor shook his head irritably, "No, Zoro. You have to cradle it."

"How the hell do I 'cradle'?" he asked, genuinely confused. The cook stared at him in disbelief. The moss-head really didn't know a single thing about babies, did he? The only reason Sanji knew what to do was because he always pictured having children with a beautiful goddess, so clearly he had to brush up on it sooner or later. This case was no different, er, the concept anyway.

The blonde took the baby doll in his arms and slowly began to rock it, as if it were crying. The swordsman watched, taking mental notes on this "cradling" thing. So, cradling is just holding it? Why didn't they say so? Zoro forcibly took the doll back and copied the chef's movements, but with a little more aggression. Sanji frowned, reaching over to try to take it back, but the marimo kept it at bay easily.

"Damn it, you'll hurt little Vanessa," he growled.

Zoro raised his eyebrow at him, a determined scowl glowing on his face, "The fuck, cook? Who said it's a girl in the first place?"

"If I jinx it, it'll happen!"

"No, don't! I want a son, you idiot."

"Why, so he can follow in your footsteps exactly? Then again, he might run into a wall anyway."

"Oi, at least I would teach him something honorable. Unlike pansy cooking."

"The hell'd you say, marimo?"

"PAN-SY. COO-KING."

"Boy or girl, my kid's gonna know how to fucking cook a decent meal! They can cook for you when someone forgets to eat because of 'training'."

"Oi, training's hard work, asshole. Just 'cause you do your pathetic little squats doesn't mean that I don't take _my _training seriously."

Chopper didn't interrupt their verbal fight. He knew it wouldn't progress into something dangerous on account of Zoro's condition. So, he waited and let them thoroughly tire themselves out before moving on with the lesson. The baby doll was dropped carelessly onto the floor in the process, neither of the men taking any notice. The small reindeer picked it up and irritably placed it on the swordsman's side, holding both of his hooves in front of their faces to silence them. The couple ceased bickering, but glared at one another once in a while.

"You both get negative one points," the reindeer stated. Confused but silent, the lovers listened intently. "You both need to get at least fifty points to win the game before the baby is born," Chopper announced, noting the way they immediately perked up. "Now, the rules are simple. Follow everything there is to in _The Pregnant Journey_ each month and you earn three points. Do something wrong and not only will you lose points; you'll be risking the baby, which I know you wouldn't want to do. You have nine months to reach fifty, and the winner will get a surprise. And I will be watching." The cook and swordsman grinned from ear to ear, simultaneously thinking that this will be easy. Read a few paragraphs from the guide and it would be child's play.

Chopper knew this idea would work. Not only would they be careful of the baby, but now they would be precise on what they were doing, since winning was at stake. It felt wrong to make a game out of a serious situation, but the doctor knew this was the only way to get through to them, Zoro in particular.

"You'll need to get on it if you want those points back," the reindeer stated, leaving the infirmary. He decided that this Baby 101 class could continue tomorrow, but right now they needed to check the all-knowing book for answers. Chopper snickered, it would be cruel to make them only use the book instead of him, which he what he intended to do.

Zoro glanced at the blonde before springing off the examination table. The guide was in the mens' quarters, meaning he had to get there before Sanji did. The cook hadn't figured out why the other ran out of the room so quickly, though. He only stared at the door before reaching over to the guide _already _on the counter.

H{}H

"Eh?! What you mean Zoro can't be our swordsman?!" Luffy cried. Sanji nodded, mentally grinning at the newly added points. While his marimo was off doing God knows what, the cook decided to get a head start. The captain obviously didn't know what being pregnant meant, but no one expected him to. The Sunny's swordsman would have to give up fighting and training for nine whole months, as much as the other would probably protest. Sanji took a sick pride in denying the moss-head training, selfishly wanting the other to spend his boring days with him, iin the kitchen, instead.

"Yeah, sorry. Zoro needs to rest for the baby's sake," the blonde clarified. The captain's depression seemed to disappear at the mention of their child as he nodded happily, noting that he shouldn't ask the swordsman to perform any tricks any time soon. As the blonde inhaled his precious nicotine victoriously, soft pitter patters of paws strolled towards him, along with an unmistakably gruff voice.

"Wow, Zoro. I'm surprised you willing gave me your weapons! I'll be sure to store them in a safe place. For giving up your training, you receive three points," Chopper eagerly declared. Sanji's eyes widened. Getting those damn points would prove to be harder now that the marimo had a head-start\ and beat him to the first check off. Though, he let a smirk linger at the corner of his lips. He knew he would certainly claim those next points.

"Oi, Chopper," the blonde called, gaining the doctor's attention, "I've taken the liberty of Zoro's new diet. He will now be eating 6 to 8 ounces of grains, 2 cups of fruit, 2 1/2 to 3 cups of vegetables, 5 1/2 to 61/2 ounces of meat and/or beans, approximately 3 cups of dairy a day, which all will contain more or less of 165 to 360 calories, giving enough nutrition for both of them."

"Great job, Sanji! You just described the perfect diet! You earn six points, for benefiting Zoro and the baby," Chopper smiled, loving that he plan was going brilliantly so far. He loved the effort they were putting into child care.

Sanji smirked; the marimo didn't have shit on him when it came to the perfect meals. Zoro growled without much venom, but an irritated one no less. Suddenly, the swordsman stalked past him, heading straight for the two women sun bathing and chatting in their lawn chairs. As they were interrupted by a rather large shadow, Nami glared at the culprit. Zoro only put on his most dazzling smile, surprising the navigator and slightly pushing away her annoyed attitude.

"Oh, hey, Zoro. How are you feeling?" she asked. Sanji raised a curly eyebrow; what was he about to accomplish?

"Hi, Nami. You know, I've been wondering what we would do when the baby arrived."

"Oh?" Nami inquired, "Like what?"

"Well, for starters, where's your niece or nephew gonna sleep?" The orange haired girl's eyes sparkled with obvious admiration. The blonde observing this scowled at the game Zoro was playing.

"I'm going to be an aunt?" Her voice broke a bit as she was a the verge of tears. Robin chuckled, completely aware of what was going on, except for the contest. As cheerful as Zoro sounded, he was cringing on the inside. Hard. The damn sea witch would corrupt his child with greed, he was sure of it. But if he wanted clothes, toys, and diapers, some sacrifices would need to be made. Chopper was quietly observing from the railing by the sharpshooter, writing down the new score on his small clipboard.

Zoro: 6/Sanji: 6


	4. Month Two

Month Two Checklist: June

_~Start developing a maternity wardrobe. ~Make room for your baby. ~Create a __baby-safe car_ (or in this case, ship) _environment._

Zoro and Sanji began swiping the guide away from each other constantly, attempting to beat the other to the next check-off. It was clear that the navigator would be cashing out on the next island, buying both Zoro and baby clothes, as well as toys, diapers, and the necessaries. The swordsman knew how the woman felt about infants, thus giving him the chance to buy her money with a relative title. However, she would be Sanji's sister if the child ever asked, not his.

"Darling, I think you should stay on the ship while Nami-swan and I shop for you," the cook insisted with a bitter tone, but a sickly sweet smile was straining his mouth.

"Oh, no, _dear_. I wouldn't possibly think of letting _you_ shop. After all, cooking three meals every day is clearly a lot of work," Zoro stated sarcastically. The blonde growled as they both continued to jog towards the infirmary, both trying to take on the responsibility of "developing a maternity wardrobe".

The door was brutally knocked upon, startling the young doctor from his textbook paragraph. He hoped off his high-seated rotating chair and calmly opened the door.

"I'm DOING THE SHITTY SHOPPING," the couple shouted. Chopper blinked. My, they were determined. The reindeer nodded, seemingly unaffected by the loud uproar. He began to close the door, but Sanji stopped it midway. "So?"

"So…what?"

"So who gets the points?" Zoro butted in curiously.

"You both do," was all the doctor said. He noticed deep confusion engulf the two, so he sighed. They obviously weren't happy with this decision. Chopper scratched his left ear in thought, "Well, how about this? When you shop, the first person to find an outfit with the colors blue and green in it wins three more points."

"Why those specific colors?" Sanji asked.

"Oh, well, because it's more than likely the baby would gain your eye color or Zoro's, so the outfit would hold a deep meaning." The door was forced shut, despite Sanji's hand being in the way. The cook pulled it back in the nick of time, a slight frown on his face. He wanted to win the prize, meaning he needs to beat the shitty marimo, not coöperate with him. Zoro felt the same way, but came to a fair conclusion faster. He held out his hand emotionlessly, "Just this once?"

Sanji smirked and captured the other's lips briefly, pulling away before the swordsman could properly respond. "Just this once."

"Asshole, that's what got me into this mess," the moss-head muttered.

"...Wanna make it twins?" The cook asked innocently. Zoro scowled in return, feeling scorching heat claim his cheeks. Damn ero-cook, having no shame. Like he wanted more Sanjinites running around, chain-smoking candy cigarettes and kicking him in the shins.

The island was less than five yards away from the Sunny. Nami beamed brightly as she carried a few bags of gold, hooking them to her belt loops. An aunt, the loving, favorite auntie! She was completely caught up in providing for the baby, for once ignoring the fact that baby equipment could get expensive. Robin craved to tell her, but bursting people's bubbles wasn't something she was fond of.

"Zoro~!" Nami magnetically sang, "Get ready to shop till you drop~!"

"Oh, Nami-swan! Why can't it be my name that slides oh so gracefully from your stupefying, heart aching-"

"Finish that swoon. I fucking dare you," the marimo spat. Here he was, carrying the bastard's baby and he was treating _Nami_like this? Granted, the swordsman would murder his lover if he so much as cooed at him, but seeing your boyfriend act ooey gooey over someone else boils a little blood. Sanji, though, only smiled sincerely in his direction, flashing as much passion into that gesture as a love-sick sap physically could. Zoro gave a small smile back while shifting his head the opposite way, clearly embarrassed by the sentimental situation.

The cook chuckled as he went over to the edge of the railing, "Don't worry, marimo. I may flirt a lot, but you're always the one I came back to."

"Geez, do I feel special," the moss head murmured.

Once docked, Sanji, Zoro, and the anxious navigator set off for various types of clothing stores. The swordsman tried his best not to wonder off and look for a bar. Giving up booze for a week, let alone months would prove to be impossible, but what did he know about _impossible_ things, right? The blonde noticed the other's mind drifting as Zoro started to stray from the path. He knew this was stressful for him, especially the lack of training, but they both realized that it would all be worth it in the very end.

"Oi, Mossy. The stores are this way," he said. Nami stifled a laugh at the cute nickname, making Zoro frown.

"Alright...my prince," he shot back sarcastically loving.

Nami really did lose it that time. Sanji blushed to high heavens, averting his gaze from them in humiliation. The nerve of that marimo, and in front of his swan!

"Okay, okay. Save the role-play for the bedroom. Let's buy some clothes first," she suggested. Zoro scoffed, who the hell said they did or will role-play? Sanji wanted to try it before, but he wanted the other to play an innocent schoolgirl; similar to Chopper and Luffy' innocence, only dulled down a little more.

Perverted, he knows, which is why the cook got nothing for a week for trying to force the marimo into a skirt.

The island had brick buildings instead of hovels and shacks like the previous one. Nami led the small group into the first one they noticed that sold clothes. The swordsman darted through the door with Sanji on his tail, leaving the navigator puzzled. They've been acting this strange way ever since the Sunny docked, mumbling their thoughts incoherently. Regardless, she entered the store, instantly regretting it.

The couple was literally tearing up the racks. Specifically in the baby aisle. Zoro frantically shoved the hangers back and forth in frustration, while Sanji scavenged through a small bin and threw clothes in all directions, not caring that the alleged objects repeatedly struck bystanders in the face. A short, stubby man stormed up to Zoro, scowling and extremely furious. "Excuse-"

Zoro stopped his searching abruptly, whipping his head around to send his I'm-a-demon-in-human-skin glare, which left the man speechless and frankly in need of new trousers.

"What is wrong with you two?" Nami yelled, considering the owner was too mentally broken to stop them. Sanji happily aha'ed across from the marimo, vicariously holding up his trophy. It was a neutral one piece; blue swirls lacing the edges of the thin sleeves while the green designs curled over the stomach area in a beaming smiley face. Zoro panicked, what else was there to do?

"As first mate, I order you to hand it over!"

"The hell? Since when do you call yourself that? Besides, no one listens anyhow!"

"Nami, your aunt-ship is in danger!"

"GIVE IT, SANJI-KUN," the orange hair lunged at the screaming blonde, tackling him and ripping the delicate cloth from his hands with little effort. She smiled triumphantly, handing it to the smirking swordsman. Who knew Nami could come in handy?

"That...WAS AN AMAZING PIN, NAMI-SWAN! MY LITTLE CHAMPION," Sanji cooed despite the bruise forming on his side. Zoro scoffed, taking one of Nami's money bags from her hip. "I'll go pay for this," he announced.

"You know, we still have to do Zoro's shopping," the navigator grinned. Sanji smirked evilly; the marimo made a huge mistake leaving them alone. Oh, the wonders of what Sanji could get him into~!

H{}H

The swordsman was pissed of to no extent at the fact that the other two did his shopping for him, and wouldn't let him see what was in those damn bags. He was wearing them; he had the right to know! Either way, he accepted it as they headed back to the ship, feeling too tired to argue anymore.

Franky's back could be seen from the plank, accompanied by several loud noises. They weren't hammering or drilling ones, but random shuffling of fabric. As they boarded, the cyborg greeted their confused and interested expressions. "Hey, bros! I just thought I'd get a head start on baby proofing the deck. Isn't it super?"

"I…There's…bubble wrap everywhere," Zoro stated, completely dumbfounded.

"And cushions," Sanji added.

"Yep! And don't worry, I'll make sure your new room will have some space," Franky grinned. Zoro didn't know why, but he felt that grin holding a suggestive note, or maybe it was because of the damn robot's eyebrow wiggle.

"Here, Sanji-kun. Store Zoro's clothes away for next month. I want it to remain a surprise," Nami ordered, causing hearts to float off into the air. Zoro sighed; something was making him exhausted, though he couldn't tell what. Is this how pregnancy felt? Or was it the lack of training? Or was it this goddamn blazing heat?

"Oi, marimo. Are you feeling okay?" the cook pressed. The swordsman looked ready to pass out in seconds. Sweat was pouring down his face and his breathing seemed to be ragged. Zoro's vision blurred and he felt something suddenly embrace him; Sanji was holding him carefully, yelling for Chopper and worrying about how much he was burning up.

"…hat's probably what happened," Chopper's voice came into focus as the moss head's eyes fluttered open. He was in the Sick Bay, the cook by his bedside while the tiny doctor sat in his chair at his desk. The reindeer smiled when he realized the swordsman was awake and well, rushing over to his patient. "Zoro, how do you feel?"

"I'm fine, but what the hell happened? Did I faint or something?"

"No, you just had a hot flash."

"….the hell's that?" Zoro asked flatly.

"A hot flash is often caused by the changing hormone levels. Normally, I would be worried because for men it means low testosterone, but it is common for pregnant wom—men…" Chopper explained. The swordsman glared at the slip up, but kept quiet.

"Well, it seems you're becoming more woman-like by the day, sweetie," Sanji cooed.

"Sh-shut up, curly."

Chopper retrieved something from his desk drawer; something green, striped, and…

Zoro sat up fully at the sight of his haramaki not attached to him. Oh, no. They weren't going to do what he thought they would. All because of a damn heat flash that would probably be his first _and_ last? Chopper noted his patient's distressed gaze peering into the back of his skull as he stored the waistband inside his medical cabinet and securely locked it. He knew the other loved it, which is why he wanted Zoro to see that it was safe and in good hands.

Sanji only smirked, glad that the doctor took his suggestion.

Zoro: 9/Sanji: 9


	5. Month Three

Me: Does anyone else have the app? Lol I just thought I'd ask for some reason.

Month Three Checklist: July

_~Make sleep a priority; set a new early bedtime and stick to it. ~Satisfy your cravings or else you might get moody. ~Mood swings are unavoidable, unless you are not the person having them. Then run; far away._

"I don't want to," Zoro said. Sanji stomped his foot childishly in irritation. The swordsman was being so damn stubborn, while any other day he'd pass out in the middle of the deck! Dinner just finished, and usually the marimo would stay up for a few hours and train, but now, immediate rest was mandatory. Zoro stayed at his spot at the table, claiming he wasn't sleepy in the slightest. Sanji damn well knew that was a lie; he could hear the other stifling yawns as he cleared the table.

"Damn it, Zoro. You're showing, meaning the baby's growing; meaning you both should start sleeping earlier. You ate like five barbarians today, shouldn't you be unconscious?" the cook urged. Zoro shook his head, "Nope, not even hazy."

The blonde cursed. He was tired of their tie; it needed to end at some point. But there was nothing he could think of to get the swordsman to fall asleep. The first mate would automatically know what he was trying to do if he gave him warm milk, so that was out of the question. Demanding that he go to bed wasn't working either. Sanji sighed in defeat as he began to wash licked-clean plate, courtesy of their food crazed captain. Humming random tunes as he skillfully put dishes away, he heard a low yawn came from behind him. Glancing back briefly, he caught sight of a tear running down the marimo's cheek. Zoro wasn't beyond tired, and couldn't hide it anymore. The cook smiled, letting lyrics softly roll off his tongue.

"_Frère Jacques, Frère Jacques,__  
__Dormez-vous? Dormez-vous?__  
__Sonnez les matines, sonnez les matines__  
__Ding ding dong, ding ding dong."_

A loud snore indicated that his singing succeeded. Zeff used to do the same to him when he was stubborn, the song practically forcing him into dreamland. Once the dishes were done, Sanji smiled at his lover, who face planted with the table. He thought he heard a thud, but didn't check to see what it was.

Zoro's regular white shirt appeared to be getting tighter around the stomach each day. The cook gave him his new clothes, but Zoro refused to wear any of them, on account of them being "degrading". Sanji thought the shirts and sweatpants he picked out were…cute, in a perverted, affectionate way.

"My adorable marimo," he said, running a hand through soft, short green locks.

H{}H

When Zoro awoke the next day, he felt ill. Not sickly ill, but a strange sense of hunger pain. A sudden wanting of cabbage, no, ketchup…or maybe it was maple syrup? Whatever it was, he was driving him crazy, and normally he had his desires and senses in check with meditation. But something told him meditating wouldn't work, no matter how much focus he put into it.

It was bright outside, and the cheerful laughing of the three idiots could be heard from the men's quarters. Come to think of it, he didn't remember going to bed last night. The swordsman shrugged it off; he's gotten to bed in weirder situations before.

He stood up and stretched, his body giving an appreciative cracking sound. Suddenly, it got a few degrees colder down _there_. That's when he realized he had fluffy pink sleeves going down his arms. What felt like a thin rope was tied around his waist and whatever he was wearing ended at mid-thigh.

A robe: a fluffy pink robe with matching slippers by his bed. What pissed him off more was the bold letters running across his chest that stated "Kinky Girl".

Zoro scowled, stomping over to his wardrobe (ignoring the breeze), only to find that his shirts were gone, and even his pants. A note was pinned to the inner door, reading: _Dear Zoro, I threw all your new clothes out, since we didn't get the right sizes. We'll get more once we reach the next island, in about four days. The robe was a perfect fit…more or less. –Nami _

"That…bitch," he growled, crumpling the innocent paper and throwing it over his shoulder. On the bright side, he still had his boxers, right?

Zoro's stomach reminded him that there was no time to waste. Whatever he wanted, he needed it now. But facing everyone like this was no option. He quickly threw his blanket over his shoulders, not caring that a good chunk of it was being dragged.

The swordsman checked the galley, but the cook wasn't there. A rare occurrence, but not rare enough. He then went out onto the deck hesitantly, wrapping the blanket more around the lower half of his body. Luffy, Chopper, and Usopp were in a small circle, giggling and laughing like maniacs. He heard "Zoro" and "fashion police" in the same sentence, which he chose not to snap on.

Sanji was smoking a cigarette by the far side of the ship, leaning over the railing and chatting with the skeleton musician. The reindeer noticed his patient by the door, quietly keeping on eye on him while also listening to Usopp's over exaggerated story.

The swordsman wandered over to the blonde, careful of stepping on the blanket's remains. Sanji brightly smiled his way, but confusion briefly flashed in loving expression. "Zoro?"

"You. I've got a bone to pick with—AGH!" The swordsman was halfway towards his boyfriend until he stepped on something, causing the object to roll under his foot, taking him with it. He landed hard on his back, most of the blanket providing cushion, so there wasn't much pain. Sanji rushed to his side, protectively cradling the other's upper body while tenderly kissing the top of his head. Zoro scowled and blushed crimson red, but didn't pull away. If he shifted or moved, the blanket would reveal the stupid robe. Who knows, maybe that was the cook's intension after all?

"Mossy, are you alright? How'd you fall?! WHO THE HELL IS PLAYING WITH CHALK?!" Sanji yelled, fiery eyes darting over to the childish trio. The giggled nervously, the feeling of guilt and awkwardness washing over them. Zoro sat up, pulling the blanket closer to his body as he reached for the piece of white chalk below his calf. It was still long and hardly used, meaning the captain or sniper was just being messy with the (now empty because chalk was scattered everywhere) box. The swordsman stared at it longingly, making the blonde stare at it also. Sanji didn't understand about—

Zoro savagely bit into it, chewing like his life depended on it.

Everyone besides Robin paled as the marimo continued to chomp and gulp it down like it was the most delicious thing in the world. Sanji, however, was baffled, if not a little offended that the swordsman was enjoying the damn chalk more than his cuisines. On impulse, the blonde irritably slapped the chalk away, breaking and sending it to the floorboards. Zoro gave a growl and a whine, "What the hell?"

"Shitty marimo, why didn't you say you were hungry?"

"I…it looked…good," the moss head admitted. He didn't know what came over him. The chalk itself was disgusting, but for some reason he couldn't stop eating. The dry, copper-like taste still lingered on his tongue, making him suck on it to get more of the precious strange flavor. Sanji sighed as the other's cheeks hollowed out. The damn bastard really did prefer chalk?

H{}H

"Damn it, I still don't see how Chopper can give you points for craving. How does that even work?" the cook grumbled. Zoro was dragged to the galley for a proper snack after Sanji jealously ranted about the chalk's blandness. The swordsman didn't care at the moment, not about anything. He was too concentrated on identifying what he was feeling. Emotions were never his thing, so he couldn't pinpoint the nagging sensation in his chest. Though, for some odd reason, he felt like crying. Sobbing his eyes out until they burned from being dried up. But not as much as he wanted to punch the bastard.

Sanji smiled at him from the counter, causing millions butterfly to soar in his stomach. Suddenly, he wanted to do nothing but drown the cook in kisses while being held. Anger soon came back in the blink of an eye when the blonde went back to preparing his meal. Before he could stop himself, Zoro angrily spat out, "I'm glad you and your food are happy together."

Sanji raised an eyebrow at the outburst, stopping his whisking, "What?"

"Don't fucking 'what' me. I know when I'm not wanted! So go on and live your happy life! Forget about me!"

"The fuck are you going on about?!"

"...You don't have to yell," the swordsman sadly stated. Sanji was shocked to find the other with tears running down his flushed cheeks, seeming on the edge of a breakdown.

"I'm...I'm sorry, Zoro."

The marimo raised his head slightly, noting that the cook was a mere inch away. He lunged for him, grabbing his face to kiss him deeply. Sanji gladly accepted, licking the soft bottom lip for entrance. Zoro moaned eagerly as Sanji's tongue prodded every spot possible in his mouth. The intense kiss ended almost as quickly as it began when Zoro shoved him away. "Fucking bastard!"

"Hu-what?"

"Fuck you! I hate you! Look what you did to me! It'll take me months to get back to normal! Why is it so damn hot?! I wish I was never born! That's a beautiful rainbow outside; it reminds me of you! I love you, Sanji, and don't you forget it! Get out of my face!"

Sanji stared wide-eyed. The swordsman tone was so angry, yet his words were strangely sweet. Zoro dramatically stood up, knocking over his chair in the process, and stomped towards the door like a pissed off toddler. Usopp decided then would be a good time to ask for a drink, bumping into Zoro at the door. He glared, snarling, "Usopp, your nose is your best quality!"

"Uh...thanks?"

"And don't you _dare _fucking thank me!" With that, the moody marimo left while slamming the door. Sanji and the sharpshooter exchanged quizzical glances, especially when the swordsman peered back inside, yelling, "IT'S SO DAMN BEAUTIFUL _OUTSIDE_!"

Usopp opened his mouth, but he had lost the will to speak. Sanji shrugged; he couldn't prevent the inevitable. "Hey, Usopp. You want this food?"

The swordsman stormed past the small doctor, who was on his way to check on the couple since he heard angry shouts. He attempted to stop the other, but Zoro ignored him, running away faster while bawling loudly. Chopper stared after him, feeling sorry, but mostly guilty because he didn't warn Zoro about mood swings. Still, it was quite funny.

Zoro: 12/Sanji: 9


	6. Month Four

Me: I couldn't wait to post it XD

Month Four Checklist: August

_~Treat yourself to a special day out. ~If you don't have one, shop for a crib that meets current __safety standards. ~Create a prenatal exercise routine._

"I insist on taking you out," Sanji smirked. The guide was very specific about relaxing while pregnant. Zoro's stomach had grown extremely, larger than a beer gut, hence one of the reasons he didn't want to go out. Another was his new outfits the cook and navigator bought him a few weeks ago. They were just as frilly (cute, in Sanji's eyes) as the first ones. Not to mention Nami decided to be a psycho sea witch and _keep_all of his clothes in her room. She'd give him a new outfit each day, regardless if he complained or asked for another one. "_I don't want you ruining them_," she claimed smugly.

"No, damn it," the swordsman hissed, crossing his arms and sitting them atop of his belly. The cook found this pose adorable, even if the marimo wasn't trying. His large long-sleeved, navy blue shirt stretched over the big baby bump, stopping at his rather tight gray sweatpants. Roronoa Zoro practically glowed in the "mommy" look.

"Okay, if you don't want to go on the island, I'll just baby you here," the blonde declared. Zoro's eye widened at that. No way in hell was the shit-cook going to treat him like he treated the girls. If he wanted him to relax, he'd take his damn leave. Sitting on the deck, peacefully napping, letting his muscles release their ridged tension, listening to the outrageous sounds of the captain; that would be relaxing. However, having Sanji swoon and croon while he gave him fancy snacks and did ridiculous noodle dances was...depressingly annoying. Before he could protest, Zoro was quickly lifted up from his place at the galley table, by none other than a calmly grinning cook. "P-Put me down!"

"You shouldn't have to walk on your relaxation day, princess."

"...Oh, no you fucking didn't."

Sanji smirked knowingly. The marimo's fierce glare was enough to make the cook have second thoughts, but a little look didn't stop him. While fists half heartedly pummeled his chest, Sanji carried the swordsman to his room below deck.

Zoro didn't like this, not one bit. His room may be spacious, but it's too quiet for his liking, which is why he only spends about twelve hours down there; sleeping. Being in Sanji's arms hadn't exactly lightened his mood either. His warm, oddly comfortable, protective arms...

The cook softly set him down on his bed, pulling a blanket over his bottom half. Zoro grudgingly kicked it off while making a weak "meh" noise involuntarily. Sanji frowned; he was going to make the stubborn bastard relax even if it killed him. Or rather, Zoro.

"C'mon, marimo."

"No, I don't wanna relax. I'm _tired _of relaxing. I hadn't had a decent fight in four months!"

Sanji grinned mischievously, "So...you're frustrated?"

"Pervy bastard," Zoro muttered. If the first mate said he hated innuendos, it would be an understatement, especially when it came from his lover's mind, which practically lived in the gutter. The cook covered the other again, this time tucking the blanket under his legs so it would be too much of an effort (for a pregnant man) to kick off. He heard Zoro huff in defeat, and smiled with satisfaction.

"Great, you trapped me. Now leave," the moss head said flatly.

"Will you-"

"I'll stay put, okay? Damn." Sanji nodded curtly, "I'll be back with lunch. Stay and relax."

Zoro was left alone in silence, awkwardly looking around. A sudden urgent knock on his door startled him out of his boredom, "Yeah?"

"Zoro-bro, it's laundry time!"

Sanji stood in front of Zoro's room, light tray in hand filled with fresh berries and a small cup of green tea. If this wouldn't relax the other, well, beating marines into a bloody pulp might. He tried to open the piece of wood, only to find that it was locked. The bastard locked him out after he promised to stay put? What a dirty trick. "Oi, marimo. I've got food. Let me in," the blonde announced.

"No."

"Come on."

"No, Franky came barging in here, demanding that I strip so he could do laundry, and Nami kept all my new clothes for a sick joke."

"So? Isn't it good that someone's washing our clothes?"

"Have you listened to a damn thing I just said?"

"Yeah, and I think it's stupid that you're complaining about not wanting to walk around in clean clothes."

"No, stupid! Nami KEPT all my clothes, and Franky DEMANDED that he wash what I had on."

"What's your point, moss-head?"

"I'm…naked."

Sanji blinked. "...Oh..._Oh..._it...it's not like I haven't seen it."

"NO."

"At least let me give you lunch!"

"If you so much as touch the doorknob, I'll bite your dick off."

"...Can I take that as an invita-"

"STUPID PERVERTED CRAPPY COOK!"

H{}H

Three hours passed and after Franky returned Zoro's clothes, who glared so deadly that he sent the other man running, the swordsman changed into those overly tight pants, but perfect sized shirt again. Damn cyborg, trapping him whilst a love-cook was loose! Three hours of hell, three hours of threatening Sanji so he wouldn't come in, three hours of pure _boredom_. Was he relaxed? Hell no, far from it. Zoro didn't like staying in one spot, unless he was napping, but he wasn't tired. His room was plain; a bed and a closet kept him company. Being pregnant was something meant for women, in his opinion, or _anybody_, just not him. He needed to move around, needed to train, and, most importantly, he needed sake! Seriously, he didn't ask to get fat, or to eat uncooked pasta, or to even be forced into comfortable shirts and suffocating pants!

Zoro sighed; what was done was done. Besides, having a baby (he _still_ couldn't get used to that) might make his life, well, more tender. The demon Roronoa Zoro playing with baby toys and making silly faces so his child wouldn't cry, while becoming the world's greatest swordsman, granted, seemed a bit weird, but that was nothing capable of stopping him pursue his dream.

Loud sounds of a hammer colliding with metal sparked his curiosity. Zoro left his room and went up to the deck, finding the damn cyborg building something, with the help of the sharpshooter. "What are you guys doing?" He shouted over obnoxious drilling. Franky stopped his work to nervously smile at the other, hoping that he still wasn't pissed. Though he was, the first mate disregarded that urge of revenge and pointed to the odd box Usopp hadn't taken his eyes off of. Franky nodded, "Yep. It's just about done."

"What is _it?_"

"The crib, of course," he happily cried, "I couldn't let my bro buy some cheap knockoff! This is a Franky original." The blue haired man proudly shifted his sunglasses at the other. Usopp breathed a sigh of relief, announcing the deed is finished. Zoro was expecting something simple, but his expectations transformed into worrisome possibilities when he heard metal hitting metal earlier. Surely, a wooden crib would have worked?

Franky confidently posed, pointing a large finger in the air, yelling, "I give you The Huggy Wuggy Baby Lover 3000!"

"Huggy Wuggy?" The words left a sour taste in his mouth. The swordsman wasn't used to using such..._those_ kinds of words. The crib's frame was indeed metal, but soft, white plush cushioning was securely wrapped around the bars. There was no mattress yet, so impenetrable plastic covering the springs was shown. Franky was waiting for his compliment patiently, but couldn't hide the small grin at seeing Zoro's reaction. The swordsman smiled sincerely; of course, the baby would be safe with Franky's inventions.

"It's awesome, Franky," he said, making the other sob in happiness. "I'M SO GLAD YOU THINK IT'S SUUPER!"

Tiny hooves calmly came into earshot, and then suddenly began to run. Zoro turned, spotting Chopper's confused but strict expression. Why did the little doctor look so mad? "How long have you been out and about?" He questioned.

"Oh, uh, about five minutes. Why?"

"Oh, good. That means I can give Sanji his points."

"WHAT?" Zoro spat, "But shouldn't _I_get the points since _I_was resting?"

Chopper gave him a disapproving look, "He told me you refused to rest, meaning you refused your points. And for carrying you, he gains another three points." That damn cook, this damn reindeer; Zoro was in a "damn everything" mood. He didn't know how many points the cook had now, but he sure as hell knew it was way too many for him to accept.

Chopper waved his paw dismissively, mentally jotting down the score. For now, he was here to help to other, not irritate him with whose winning. "Do you want more points?" He pressed, receiving an enthusiastic nod, "Then, you'll have to follow me."

H{}H

The doctor led the marimo to the aquarium room, Zoro noting that there were two mats beside one another a foot apart. Just as he began to ask, Chopper flopped down on the first one, pointing to the other for Zoro to do the same. He sighed; sitting and standing weren't exactly his favorite things anymore. Regardless, he carefully sat beside the reindeer, whose legs were crossed outward.

"Uh, Chopper?"

"If you want those points, excising is a good way to keep you _and _the baby healthy. You might even get six..."

The swordsman immediately copied the other's stance, leaning on his hands to keep balance. Chopper turned over, the marimo doing the same, into the downward dog position. Zoro's upper body started to unwillingly shake. The strength in his arms must have considerably decreased over time. Chopper noticed, but focused on his next pose. His small body gracefully fell onto its side as he raised his left leg up, and then slowly brings it down. The first mate did this twice with no effort, but the third time got the best of him. His leg quivered as he tried to raise it again. Why the hell was he struggling? Struggling meant physical weakness, and he was certainly not weak. Dropping it, he attempted again, only to have something brush along his calf.

"GAH! Don't _DO _that, jackass," Zoro all but screamed. Chopper snickered; the swordsman was so concentrated on yoga that he didn't noticed Sanji's body directly behind him. The cook chuckled, raising the squirming leg with two fingers, almost boasting.

"Okay, now that we did the stretches-"

"Those were just the damn _stretches?_" Zoro growled. The blonde lost all the breath in his lungs laughing at his marimo. The first mate cutely pouted, though he would repeatedly deny it. Chopper stood up, rolling both his and Zoro's mats out of the way.

"You can come in now," the reindeer stated. The entrance opened briskly, revealing Brook. The skeleton was as emotionless as always, unless he put some effort into his expression. His violin was clutched tightly in one hand, giving Zoro a foreboding feeling. What the hell was Chopper planning?

"You guys might think this is bit strange, but we're going to do something different. It's definitely more efficient, though."

Suddenly, Brook began to play an upbeat tune, somewhat happy and energetic. Zoro heard this kind of music before, but couldn't remember what it was called. The doctor tapped his hooves rhythmically on the floorboard to Brook's beat, changing the pattern every once in a while. The swordsman glanced at his lover, who was wide-eyed and appeared a bit fearful at something. Confused, the first mate opened his mouth to speak, but was cut off by a familiar music rift.

_Fuck, square dancing._

Chopper motioned for them to take their places (Zoro stared at him like he had sprouted five millions more feet at once), and began his version, going along with whatever came to mind.

"Spin your partner 'round and 'round

Bend over to touch the ground

Bow to your guy

Bow to your lady (insert a marimo's low growl)

We're gonna get that healthy baby!

Do-si-do and don't ya know

Your partner's growling very low

Dip him back and you will see

Just how low that purr can be!

Circle them; don't hesitant

This square dance ain't going great

I guess the cook hadn't learnt

'Cause his square dancing sure is burnt!"

"DAMN IT, CHOPPER," Sanji yelled, accidentally providing cushion to the swordsman's fall. Brook and the doctor laughed hysterically as the blonde growled. Zoro stood up from Sanji's stomach (it thankfully being well muscled or else he would have broken a rib or two), rubbing his sore elbow he landed on. Chopper smiled at them, Zoro still got a thorough excise, didn't he?

Zoro: 18/Sanji: 12


	7. Month Four Extra

Me: For Labyrinth-chan, because they asked so nicely :)

Month Four Extra

Nami sighed as she studied her newly purchased map. The next island was a day or two away, but she couldn't put her finger on what seemed…familiar about Hiyoko Island. Of course, she'd never been there, but she's positive she had read about it before. Hiyoko Island: population; 2,389, width; 1200 acres, length; 1000 acres, residents; female? What did the map's information key mean by that? Surely, the island wasn't only inhabited by women, right? Regardless, the tired navigator examined the next course the Sunny would pass through. She needed to go to bed soon; it was probably past midnight.

H{}H

Zoro wasn't going. There was no way in hell he was going on the island, no matter how much Sanji bitched and moaned. He was showing too damn much, and his new clothes didn't really hide the fact. The swordsman sat against the mast, tuning out a ranting shit-cook only a mere inch away from his face.

"-and Nami-swan wanted to treat you," the blonde finished, knowing that the other's attention was elsewhere at the moment. Zoro cracked his good eye open slightly and glanced at his annoyed lover. The sea witch, or sea aunt, wanted to treat him out? There had to be a hidden catch, or probably a fee, but either way he wasn't moving. A new island meant new people. People that might know who he is, and take him out now that he is weakened. Or laugh, which was worse.

"No, having people see you pregnant, let alone a pregnant man, is a weakness and it raises too many questions," the first mate stubbornly stated.

"Who cares what they think?" Zoro didn't seem affected by the statement. He leaned into a comfortable position, using the mast as a large pillow.

"It's not like you'll be defenseless if I'm with you. Right, Mossy?" Sanji cooed. Again, there was silence. "You...want your haramaki back? To hide it a little?"

A slow nod. Sanji sighed; he hoped Chopper wouldn't reduce points just for letting him wear it for a day.

Nami wrote down a list of the supplies they needed to restock on, the items where the previous island didn't provide. She paired up Usopp with Franky for more ship parts, Robin, Luffy, and Chopper for food and water, and Brook got stuck with watching the ship. While the others did their assigned jobs, the navigator would be catering to Zoro for the day, guarded by an obsessed Sanji. Who wouldn't drop everything just to be with your precious swans?

"So," Zoro trailed off awkwardly. Spending time with the witch wasn't something he did often, so the atmosphere felt quite uneasy. Luckily, the cook chose to walk in between them, wanting to coo and swoon at both of them. Zoro had suspicions on where they were going. He also had suspicions on whether there were any males on this damn island. Not that he would dare steal a peek at other besides Sanji, but passing buildings and shacks so...colorfully decorated was slowly confirming his silent question.

The navigator glanced at him, grinning at the outfit she picked today. It took an arm and a leg to finally get Zoro to wear it, but the blown eardrums were definitely worth it. The swordsman was adorned in black maternity pants, which were pulled over his baby bump, and the beloved haramaki stretching over the godforsaken pants. The light blue shirt was higher than a half top; only long enough to cover his breasts (A/N: I feel so damn awkward saying that about a guy) It's most irritating feature had to be the giant purple winking face glowing in the middle, which would only be qualified as "eye-meltingly irresistibly cute".

As the trio made their way to a makeshift diner, four women suddenly squealed and began to run towards Sanji.

"Look at him!"

"So CUTE!"

"Such suave!"

"I just gotta hug him!"

The surprised cook smiled brightly, feeling a dreamy "Mellorine~" about to slip out. Suave, cute? Ah, he was finally being recognized by the world's beautiful goddesses! The women, however, had their shimmering eyes targeted on someone else. They literally zipped past the love cook, (who now stood dumbfounded and a little offended) leaving a dusty cloud to linger in his face and burn his eyes. Zoro, or more specifically, his stomach was ambushed by the crazed women, giggling and rubbing the adorable baby bump. How the hell did they know he was pregnant and not just chubby? It didn't matter how they knew; the infant didn't like it at all. The stressed baby uncomfortably shifted inside him, not liking the sudden crowd. Zoro tried to scare them away with a snarl, but one of the brunettes only cooed at the attempt, "Aw, you're so cute when you pout! So? Who's the daddy?"

The first mate was caught off guard by being called his least favorite word, and answered hesitantly. "Oh, uh, h-him," Zoro pointed. Sanji watched as the beautiful women cooed and snuggled Zoro; a burning sensation fluttering in his chest. It was heavy and repeatedly clenched and unclenched his heart. He has felt it before, when Luffy helped Nami up after accidentally tripping her instead of him being honoured to do so. The cook wouldn't admit it; that wasn't gentlemanly. Even though the jealousy slowly began to eat him away from the inside, he paid the little group no attention.

They stood in the middle of the dock exit path, bombarded as several woman joined the first four. There was at least ten of them surrounding the swordsman now, somewhere along the way pushing Nami and the chef out of the formed circle. Zoro didn't tell them to scram, or even ignore them, which added on to the cook's impatience.

"How many months are you?"

"Do you know the sex?"

"Can we help you in any way?"

"That shirt matches your gorgeous eyes!"

"Want to spend the day with us?"

The first mate looked ready to flee from the crazy girls, but stayed put and let them cuddle him while he answered the flowing questions uncertainly. He didn't want to draw any attention to himself on a new island, especially if _all_ the females were this clingy. Sanji avoided glancing at his marimo, cringing slightly whenever the girls started another high-pitched string of "aww"s. Nami smiled at his discomfort; who knew Sanji was the jealous type?

Why the hell wasn't he growling at them, telling them to piss off or something? Granted, Sanji would kicked his pregnant ass, but the strong urge to see the women depressed and shot down grew by the second. A specific blonde with a Cheshire Cat grin seductively placed her hands on Zoro's shoulder, leaning in close to his ear before speaking loud and clear; her voice like the finest silk ever made. "You know, that kid would appreciate having _two_ mommies," she purred.

Sanji lost it. The jealousy got the best of him. He quickly stormed over, gently shoving the women out of the way (though he just _itched_ to do something more violent at the moment) and lunged at a baffled Zoro. Wrapping his arms tightly and possessively around the other's frame, Sanji captured his lips in a passionate, long, and bragging kiss. The women stared disappointedly; most of them knew he was taken, but Zoro was too adorable to pass up, making fawning over him the only logical option. Once the kiss ended, the swordsman was speechless to say the least. What came over the usually calm shit-cook? Before he found his tongue (since it was so numb from that mind-blowing clash), Sanji's gripped tightened, but it was no pain that he couldn't take.

The cook hissed out through gritted teeth, "_Excuse me, but this is __**MY **__marimo, and __**MINE **__only._" The venom in his tone and the sickingenly polite smile were enough to make the busty blonde retreat, along with the friends that accompanied her. The cook had the appearance of an insane psycho, who was perfectly happy killing and torturing people for a living. Zoro stared in shock as the women vanished in mere seconds, terrified and probably scarred for life.

"...Who the _fuck_ are you...and what have you done with the love-cook?" the swordsman asked timidly. Sanji's insane smile only widened, frightening Zoro to no end. That smile held something unpleasant behind it, and he didn't want to find out what it was any time soon. The traitor navigator silently took off along with the girls, leaving the cook to gently crush the swordsman's brains out.

"Zoro~" Sanji lightly sang, taking a _very _strong hold of the other's right hand, "Let's go find Nami-san."

From that point on, Zoro knew that he was going to be left-handed for the day.

H{}H

One Day Later

"I see a huge marine ship! No, two! HOLY CRAP, IT'S A FLEET!" Usopp loudly declared from the crow's nest. The Sunny was swarming with the Straw Hats readying the cannons, steadying the course, and growing more excited by the moment. The rubber captain cheered; they hadn't had an attack for a long while, almost as if the government purposely chose to ignore them. Nami ordered Franky and Usopp to carefully aim if the rival ships decided to shoot, Chopper was guiding the router, and Brook and Sanji took the job of restraining stubborn, pregnant bastard by forcing him to go below deck. Zoro knew he shouldn't fight, but he couldn't just leave his nakama to battle about seven ships worth of marine! What kind of friend and second in command would he be?

Sanji growled in deep frustration. The damn marimo wanted to help so bad, but the crew, mainly Sanji, was trying to help _him_ by shielding him! Zoro didn't even have his swords, so what could he possibly help with as far as fighting? The swordsless swordsman glared at the bony hand concerningly on his shoulder. He didn't need protecting, damn it. He needed to _protect_. Pregnant or not, Zoro wouldn't let his nakama fight this many marines alone.

"Sanji-san, I'll handle him. Please help Chopper-san," Brook claimed. The unsure cook curtly nodded, sprinting off to help the reindeer. "Zoro-san, please. It would be best if you hid in the aquarium. That way, we would know you were safe," Brook explained. Zoro wasn't pleased with that, but decided that emotionally worrying his crew was worse than not physically defending them and followed Brook. Before the skeleton could open the inside of the ship's door, a loud whistling ran through the air, and then the Sunny shook violently. One of the ships fired a cannonball; a direct hit. Counter cannons were launched, along with Luffy stretching his way onto the closest ship and pummeling its residents.

Somehow, a large group of marines boarded the Sunny, one of them shouting a demand to cease Zoro, since he was obviously weaponless. Brook, too, had left his violin behind in the galley, but that didn't stop the determined pile of bones from instinctively stepping in front of the marimo. A marine swordsman lunged at him with fury, hell-bent on capturing Zoro. They _all_ knew it was rare for the first mate to be caught without his precious blades, which is precisely why it was now or most likely never.

After blocking and dodging fruitlessly, Brook was sent flyng from a strong hilt swing to the face. Zoro growled at said culprit, who motioned for his comrades to move in. The baby kicked hard at that exact moment, and since Zoro was only wearing a tank top (and the kid was Blackleg-fucking-Sanji's) it was _incredibly_ noticable. The leader stopped in his tracks, looking dazed for a few seconds before lowering his weapon. "You...you're...?"

Zoro cursed the infant's timing. Why? Of all the times, of all the fucking times and the places, _now_? The leader, along with the others (who also lowered their arms), stared in a silent contemplation; eyes wide and mouths ajar. Suddenly, the leader spoke up, "That's..."

"Go ahead; you won't be alive long enough to regret saying it," the marimo growled. "What is it? Disgusting? Weird? Freakish?"

"So...damn _awesome_!" A roar of agreement startled Zoro even more than the unexpected response. He couldn't sense or tell if the man was lying because of his threat, or if they were just stupid. Eager bursts of:

"Holy fuck!"

"Cool!"

"Look at that!"

"It's a damn miracle!"

"Shit, that's brave!" emanated around the confused swordsman. What the fuck was he supposed to do, thank them or kick their asses? Luckily, he didn't have to make that decision. Body after body suddenly flew in all directions; the sick but familiar sounds of bones cracking, skin tearing, and ear-shattering painful cries engulfing the entire deck. Instead of Luffy or a pissed off doctor, it was a fuming shit-cook that mercilessly went rogue on the bastards. His face was a deep shade of red as he held back from kicking their limp bodies repeatedly. Hell no, he could tolerate the ladies, but drew the _fucking line_ at men paying so much attention to _his_ marimo!

Zoro grinned; apparently, Sanji was still in his jealous mode. "Feeling better?" he teased.

Sanji glared at him, shouting over the screams of pain Luffy was beating out behind them, "I don't know why the fuck your sorry ass is grinning! GET BELOW DECK!"

"Scared marines might sweep me off my feet?"

Deep, deep down, somewhere in his arteries; yes. Yes, he damn well was.

"Agrh! _**NOW!**_"

Me: Hiyoko means Chick for those who didn't know Haha


	8. Month Five

Me: My grandma told me pregnancy dreams were random…so I tried. But if it's just "WTF?" then I'm sorry, but I've never been pregnant. Also, yeah, this chapter is going to get _freaky deaky lemon_ just so you know.

Month Five Checklist: September

_~Start moisturizing your belly ~Decide whether you'll find out the sex of your baby ~Jot down your crazy pregnancy dreams ~Have sex if you feel like it.__If you're feeling amorous (and you don't have any __complications that can be dangerous__), go ahead – you won't hurt the baby._

Chopper timidly gave the first mate a special cream, now that he noticed the other's rapidly growing stomach. It was at least four inches wider than last month, which meant the baby had no telltale problems so far. At the last island, the reindeer (with the help of Auntie Nami's bellies) bought an ultrasound, even though they'd only be using it for about four more months. Zoro and Sanji decided that they wanted to know the baby's gender as soon as humanly possible, thus putting an end to their sex debate.

The cream, or Reducer, was designed for getting rid of stretch marks before they showed. Zoro shook him off, saying that he didn't need it (since he could train them away) but the doctor insisted that moisturizing the stomach can be therapeutic for the baby, and not just for himself. Chopper also promised points if he noticed change in his next visit. So here he was, sitting on his bed after lunch with the clear cream tube in hand. The swordsman sighed pitifully, whipping off his light pink (yes, fucking pink) shirt that made him look like a fat pig (or, in Sanji's opinion, a sweet cotton candy stick) in one swift movement. Staring at his enormous belly, Zoro groaned out of frustration. He was over the fact that he was pregnant, and he knew he wanted to have and keep the baby, but he couldn't help but think his child was just another weak point. While the cook and swordsman tended to their child, a marine attack would come out of the blue, leaving the crew at the government's mercy if the baby was in danger. Zoro briefly thought what Mihawk would do if _he_ got pregnant and had a child. Would he still be the world's greatest? If not, how was Zoro going to achieve that?

"Damn it, you make me think too hard," he muttered, massaging the cream beside his belly button. He got into a habit of caressing rubbing the large bump, holding conversations with it when he had nothing to do. The miniature doctor told everyone to cut down on the violence, considering the baby could now hear them speaking in this trimester. Luffy unleashed a loud roar up happiness, and Chopper was positive he'd need to check the child's ears after that outburst. So, no extreme cursing anymore, no physical fighting, and no sake. Great, fucking fantastic. If Zoro was a regular person, he'd be dead by now.

Yawning, the swordsman finished hurriedly. He stretched out on his mattress, glad that the Sunny had actual mattresses instead of his old hammock on the Merry. As he got comfortable, the baby complained by kicking. Zoro jumped at the sudden weird feeling of pulled skin, but didn't pay it much attention. However, the infant kicked harder; harder than five months possible.

"OW! Sonofvabitch," Zoro growled, gently caressing the injured spot. Realization hit him as hard as a metal bat at what he just said. Damn, two things: one, he couldn't insult his child, and two, if he did, the insults would bounce right back to him! On cue, the baby kicked again, liking the idea of damaging Zoro's kidney. Yes, this was Sanji's brat.

"Oi, kid, don't train inside of me," he yelled. The baby abruptly stopped, much to Zoro's relief, meaning he could nap now.

"_Push, Zoro," Chopper urged, a mask clamped over his snout while preparing the scissors. The torso was completely out, and after a few more of Zoro's pain induced pushes, their new nakama was born. Chopper cut the umbilical cord and wrapped it in a white, small, fluffy blanket. Sanji, having Zoro squeeze his calf instead of his precious hand, (still hurt like a bitch, though) smiled brightly at the sight of the newborn. The first mate's hips were in a tremendous amount of pain since they were pushed apart; now slowly contracting back into place. _

"_What is it, Chopper?" the eager blonde asked. The doctor smiled and nodded, holding the baby forward to the parents. Zoro cradled it like he was taught to, staring into the wide sea blue pupils. In fact, a bit too wide. The whites of the baby's eyes went unseen by the abnormally large pupils. Panicking, Zoro called Chopper over to have a closer look at it. _

"_Of course, its eyes are so dilated. Zoro, you're part tarsier!"_

"…_the fuck? What is that, some kind of disorder?" the swordsman questioned._

"_No, it's a kind of monkey, sent to Venus for the alien king's enjoyment. You're baby will be catapulted now!"_

"_Wai-what?" The newborn was ripped from his arms by Franky, who magically stayed out of Zoro's line of vision. He tried to stand up, but Sanji held him down by the shoulders. The cook was emotionless; how couldn't he care? Damn it, it was his child, too!_

"_C-cook! Get the baby, dumbass! What're you doing?!" the marimo all but screeched. Sanji's grip tightened, causing a jolt of pain to shoot through his muscle. He couldn't let whatever the fuck Chopper was talking about happen, no matter how stupid or imaginary it sounded! Zoro was saving his baby at all costs. _

_Franky gently placed the baby inside the Huggy Wuggy crib, which immediately shifted into a weirdly shaped giant slingshot. Before the first mate could even think of jumping out of the infirmary bed, the contraption was sprung. The small bundle of blanket was sent soaring through the air, accompanied by Zoro's wail of sadness, anger, and loss. Sanji, seemingly normal again, stroked his lover's head in concern. The nerve of that bastard, acting worried as if nothing happened! "Marimo, what's wrong?"_

"_Shut the fuck up! How could you jus-just stand there and let them launch our fucking baby into the ocean?!" Zoro couldn't fight the large tear drop from escaping. Nine months, nine useless months wasted, only to have his only child blasted off into God knows where. The blonde frowned, "But…it's right here."_

_Zoro's depressed slumped body stiffened as the white blanket was given to him again. But how? He knew what he saw, granted that it was plain fucked up, but it was real, nonetheless. As he was about to unraveling the blanket to determine the gender he oh so wanted to discover, his right kidney began to painfully throb, snapping him out of his anxiousness._

"OUCH! YOU LITTLE PIECE OF SHI—" Zoro remembered the earlier insult. "UGH!"

H{}H

It was nighttime aboard the Sunny. Dinner was finished, majority of the crew had gone to bed, and the ship's cook had just finished washing about seventeen dishes. Zoro stared at his boyfriend similar to a cat with string. Five months now without any action was killing the first mate from the inside. Sanji would kiss him, hug him, and maybe even make out with him if he was lucky. But the bastard wouldn't touch him _down there_, which is what he craved. Zoro has tried relieving himself, but his hand could only do so much. He needed Sanji's touch, and he needed now.

The swordsman stood up from the table and stalked over to the blonde, eyeing him like prey. Sanji glanced back, but paid no mind. It was only when Zoro wrapped his arms around the other's waist that Sanji reacted at all. "What marimo?"

"Sanji," Zoro couldn't believe he was saying, "Touch me."

The cook tensed, adding on to Zoro's suspicion. Why was Sanji being so intimately distant all of a sudden? "O-okay," he nervously said, pecking the swordsman on the lips. Zoro blinked as he went back to drying his hands. He didn't seem excited or eager like he used to be, practically dragging Zoro to his secluded room in 1.5 seconds. "What the fuck?"

"What is it?" Sanji asked innocently.

"Why haven't you been fucking me lately?" The blonde set down the dish rag and embraced the irritated swordsman in a crushing hug. Zoro hesitantly hugged back, feeling something briefly brush against his neck. He smiled warmly; this is what he wanted. Something, anything intimate with him. The soft lips traveled upwards to teasingly press onto his ear, hot breath slightly moving his earrings, earning a unrepressed shiver. Sanji whispered with a smirk, "Because I _can't_."

That snapped Zoro out of his lust induced trance. He instantly pulled back, both hands ruffling the arm sleeves of the chef's suit from the sheer forced. He growled, "What do you mean you _can't_?"

"I just can't. How con you expect me to…to do _that_ when it's in there? I don't want anyone else inside you! I don't want to share!"

"You're jealous…of our own baby?" Zoro stated more than asked. Sanji blushed bright red at the accusing words. He wasn't jealous, per se, more along the lines of selfish. Yes, selfishness. Selfish and proud! Zoro sighed; did the shit-cook think he was going to hurt it? If that was the case, Chopper said they had nothing to worry about. As long as it isn't too rough or violent, sex is an okay. "Look, Chopper said sex would be fine, alright?"

"'Chopper said'?"

"I, uh, may have asked him a few…days ago. Hypothetically."

Sanji chuckled at his marimo's curious impatience. Suddenly, Sanji felt his body unwillingly press against the swordsman's, feeling an incredible weight of relief replace the guilt of having sex with Zoro while pregnant. Without the guilt holding him back, Sanji had the will to do what he yearned to for five long months. Pent up frustration began to dissipate as the two kissed, lips melting gingerly and addictively together. Zoro moaned as Sanji's hand lifted his shirt, sliding past the baby bump to already perked, excited nipples. The kiss was never broken, even when the cook's hands began to roam and claim in other places, while Zoro gripped the poor wrinkled suit jacket. Sanji led the marimo to the table with his body, now biting and sucking at the unmarked neck skin. He trailed his tongue agonizingly slow down Zoro's throat, pausing to harshly bite at his pulse. The swordsman grunted, the pain igniting his crotch.

Sanji forced him to lie back on the table once his annoying pink shirt was off and carelessly thrown in the corner. The baby bump distracted him to no extent, suddenly making him feel sick at the thought of invading the infant's temporary home.

"Nothing will happen," Zoro whispered, voice thick with longing and reassurance. Sanji smiled, kissing a path from the bump to the hem of Zoro's pants. Slipping them off too slow for both of their tastes, the chef palmed Zoro's half hard member, earning a satisfied low groan. "Sorry I've been keeping someone waiting this long. Allow me to _make it up_~" Sanji purred deliciously. Zoro felt his cheeks burn at an impossibly high temperature. He knew the cook liked to talk during sex, and he wasn't one to push away that opportunity, but after so long of nothing but rare masturbating sessions, hearing Sanji's lusty voice almost made him black out from pleasure.

Delicate, skilled fingers attacked one of his hardened nipples, pulling and flicking it to make Zoro unleash embarrassing noises from the back of his throat. Pleased but not pleased enough with those adorable sounds, Sanji stopped licking his lover's hipbone and immediately tugged off the dark green boxers, drawing a gasp from the surprised swordsman. Without warning, Sanji took the entire stiff member into his mouth, hand never ceasing its nipple abuse. Zoro moaned/screamed at the welcomed wet warmth, feeling the back of the chef's throat massage his tip.

As Zoro almost came, Sanji reluctantly pulled away and sat up, stalking over to the kitchen cabinet for what they called their S.S.L., or secret stash of lube. The first mate attempted to scowl, but the intense burning sensation in his groin turned it into a flushed pout. The sound of the lid popping open made Zoro shudder, knowing that the cook would enter him any moment. A slick finger came sooner than expected, slipping past the lately untouched tight ring of muscle.

"Ahh...mmmmnnohhh."

"Enjoying yourself, marimo?" Sanji brushed against his memorized prostate hard.

"_AH_! S-Sanji...don't fuck around," Zoro hissed, the sudden pang of pleasure making his erection painfully throb. The cook smirked sadistically; lifting the first mate's leg over his should to get a better angle. From this position, (which happened to be his favorite and Zoro's least) the other's bundle of nerves could easily and mercilessly be pressed. Zoro, knowing this action anywhere and what came from it, panicked and slammed a hand over his mouth. He could never hold the humiliating and degrading sounds that left his lips, which is what always fueled the cook's sex drive. Sanji growled, longing to pry the uncontrollable moans and begs from his normally restrained lover.

"Put it down or you get nothing," the blonde demanded, referring to the tanned hand.

"But-"

"_Down_," the seriousness was expressed by the intruding finger ramming it the unsuspecting nerves, drawing a pleasured scream from the swordsman's lips. The hand fell beside his head, limp and twitching from the onslaught of continuous jolts of pure pleasure. Sanji would press it long and hard, or soft and quick, either way the cook was brutally finger-fucking the now incoherent moss head.

One finger became two, and two became three, still sliding in and out of Zoro effortlessly, purposely ignoring the prostate's place. Once the marimo was stretched enough, Sanji brushed his nerves one last time before exiting, receiving a loud

disappointed whine.

The whine transformed into a yelled when the chef's hard erection slowly pressed past the first ring. "_Ahh_! Fuck! I don't re-remember you being so f-f-fucking _big_."

"I don't remember you being so damn tight. Relax, will you?"

"I _AM _relaxed! Now get that elephant trunk out of me!"

"I thought you wanted this."

"Nhg, it's...no, take it out. T-too much," Zoro groaned. Sanji was puzzled until he paid attention to the small ball that his member's tip was pressing. That's what Zoro meant. The other wasn't talking about too much _pain_; quite the opposite. He pulled back slightly, noticing the swordsman's panting becoming heavier. The blonde's sadistic smirk appeared again as he pushed in a bit faster this time, not changing the angle. Zoro screamed in ecstasy, arching his back to get away from the overload on pleasure and clawing at the table in failing tries to keep his sanity intact. But Sanji had other plans; more fun plans. Grabbing Zoro's hips, he pulled back out and thrusted in hard, repeating this rhythm over and over without missing a beat.

"Zoro," Sanji breathed, leaning down to give his collar-bone a long, wet lick, "Say it."

The first mate groaned, both out of annoyance and a sudden pleasure rush. he knew what was wanted to be said, but he couldn't even _think_ at the moment let along speak. Sanji's hips snapped forward faster; not roughly but at a breakneck pace. "_Say it_," he groaned.

"_Ah_...hahh, S-Sahhh~ Ngmh! S-Sannj-ji!" The swordsman, being thoroughly pounded into, felt his cock twitch and throb before he came too soon with a loud cry, while the cook wasn't anywhere near being done. Sanji thrusted and rammed into the limp but still vocally active marimo for what seemed like hours until hot come exploded into the other, who moaned just at the feeling.

Sanji pulled out completely, leaning onto the table next to an exhausted Zoro. He quickly put his pants on, lest anyone should walk in, and retrieved the marimo's shirt. He didn't bother to hand the other man his pants, knowing fully well that come would seep out and stain it. Zoro sighed in content, slipping on his godforsaken pink nuisance and hopping down from the table. Yes, he needed this badly.

A small body outline stood by the door, startling the swordsman to damn near death. Chopper stared at anything in the room that wasn't them, looking dazed and beyond the normal word of embarrassed. How long was the kid standing there? Zoro wondered.

"C-Chopper, what are you doing here?" Sanji questioned.

"I...wanted some water," he admitted, gazing at the floor shyly, "Uh, yeah. So, Sanji just earned six points."

"SIX?" Zoro nearly bellowed, but held back since everyone slept. "The hell? Shouldn't the receiver get something?"

"Well, Sanji provided for you, so he gets three points. The other three are for...stamina." And with that, Zoro's inner question was unknowingly confirmed.

Zoro: 18/Sanji: 18


	9. Month Six

Mid: I destroyed those cookies, Labyrinth-chan XD Thanks!

Me: She ate them..._all_. T-T

Month Six Checklist: October

_~Start putting together your birth plan ~Think about who you want in the delivery room ~ Began listing baby names_

Zoro laid in the infirmary bed, stomach exposed and lotion slathered on. The ultrasound was pressed against his skin, but it was long forgotten after the small doctor announced the big news. Zoro flashed a broad grin, clearly happy with this outcome, while Sanji continued to sulk by his side. "Aren't you happy, Sanji?" Chopper asked, barely containing his excitement. Zoro certainly was, and over all smug at the cook's earlier comment about "jinxing". Sanji smiled through his pout; of course, he was. Even though he really wanted a little princess to endlessly love, a son was just as good.

Zoro smirked, remembering a specific and important checklist item. The cook probably didn't think this would be the perfect opportunity to steal more points, especially this moment of happiness. "Hey, Chopper, how about we start on the birth plan?" Sanji gave him a dirty look. That asshole, doing this _now_? This was the baby's time to shine, damn it! Chopper nodded eagerly, jumping down from his step stool to grab his mini clipboard and pen. The blonde scoffed, skillfully pulling out his lighter and flicking it open flawlessly. Chopper let out a primal growl (I didn't know reindeers growl, Sanji thought) and the chef submitted to the disapproving gaze. He'd never get used to not smoking in the Sick Bay.

"Great idea, Zoro! Three more points for you," Chopper stated, disdainfully glancing over at the cook, "Sanji; negative three points."

"WHAT? I didn't light it!" He irritably shouted. Seriously, the flame didn't touch it! The doctor sternly shook his head, ears twitching. He wasn't against Sanji, he was doing it for the infant's sake. Having a parent that drinks heavily (but is never affected) and a parent that constantly chain smokes (but lungs are as clean as whistle) can put on stress the child as much as it does for Chopper.

The reindeer clicked his pen, "Okay, so do you want an epidural or not?"

"Again, I'm not a damn doctor."

"Okay, geez. It's a shot that numbs the lower half of your body. I'll have to inject it directly into your spine-"

"No; hell no. Go on."

"But, Zoro, it'll hurt more if I don't! I'll write down a "maybe" in case you change your mind. Do you want to give birth in a birthing tub or regularly?"

"Uh..." the swordsman glanced pleadingly at the cook for advice. Sanji nodded vigorously for him, stating, "Tub, definitely." He's never experience child-birth, but he's read stories; very detailed, graphic articles. And he wants to put Zoro through as _little_ pain as possible.

"Do you want to bank the pure blood? In case, he gets sick?"

"Yeah, of course," the blonde confirmed.

"Alriiighty, now I don't know if you'll be able to...b-breastfeed," Chopper stuttered, knowing the reaction he would receive. Zoro briefly stared at everything around the room but the little doctor with awkward embarrassment, and Sanji snickered at the very thought. A breastfeeding Zoro...priceless.

"I'd have to make sure you lactate, hopefully this month or the next. Anyway, the plan is complete, since you don't have to pack a bag and rush to a hospital. Zoro, you're free to go," Chopper said, putting away his clipboard and storing the sheet in a bundle of files. Sanji carefully helped his marimo out of bed, ignoring the grumbled complaints and protests. The swordsman could handle himself and the cook knew it. But this situation was different to Sanji; seeing Zoro like this, carrying their child, how could he _not_ try to help in some way? Chopper suddenly squeaked, capturing the chef's pants leg before the couple stepped out the door.

"Guys! I almost forgot, who do you want in the room with you while you give birth?"

Sanji thought for a moment. "Me and...Franky."

Chopper blinked. What? "Franky? Why?"

"Who else is strong enough to hold the shitty swordsman down? I sure as hell can't do it by myself. He might be drugged out of his mind, but he'd still probably be able to throw my ass across the room," the cook retorted. Zoro growled, though it held no anger or warning. Throwing the love-cook would be unnecessarily cruel, even if he was in agonizing pain. Child birth can't be worse than a sword ro the chest...right?

H{}H

Sanji took his time as he peeled potatoes for dinner, humming softly. _Akihiko...Katsu...hmm, Tadao? Ugh, we'd be better off with a simple name...like Kevin. Yeah, Kevin Blackleg...or Roronoa?_

"...Who's Kevin?" Zoro said flatly. Sanji flinched, minding the closeness of the knife. When did the marimo come in? He didn't hear the door open, or loud boots come barreling in. Should he tell the swordsman that he was thinking of names? Sanji didn't want him to find out since he was already at a disadvantage, but one parent can't name a child without the other's consent. He sighed pitifully, those points would worth a lot if he decided on a great name, but he should have known he couldn't do this kind of thing alone.

"I was...thinking of some names," Sanji admitted. He heard a chair screech across the floor as it was pulled out behind him. Zoro sighed, he hadn't thought much of this until today. A name was very important, it was who the boy was. The swordsman wanted to give him a special name, something that wasn't ordinary, but something that sounded right to the ear.

"Thought of any? You know, besides Kevin?" the first mate asked.

"Well, I've wrote down a few, but I don't think there any good." Sanji set down his current potato to wash his hands and search through the bottom drawer, pulling out a small note. When he handed it to Zoro, the marimo's eyes widened to the point of saucers.

_Nao: honest_

_Nori: good son_

_Ryota: strong, stout_

_Shin: truth_

_Tadao: loyal man_

_Takehiko: soldier prince_

_Tama: a jewel_

_Tatsuo: dragon son_

_Shuji: excellent_

_Nobu: faith_

_Ronin: samurai without a master_

"What do you mean they're not any good? What are you trying to do, make our kid a perfectionist?" Zoro said. How long had the cook thought about this, months? These names were astounding! How could Sanji say they weren't good enough? The list went on and on until the very last one was squished against the corner. It was hard to read, but there were only two letters; K and O.

"Ko," Zoro breathes. Sanji raised an eyebrow at him, "Yeah? What about it?"

"Happiness. I like it," he smiled. Sanji grinned at him. Secretly, that was his favorite, too. Happiness and peace; exactly what he felt when he was around Zoro. Perhaps Zoro felt that around him as well? The swordsman gave the paper back beaming, one hand lazily resting on his bump. He looked past the monstrosity Nami forced him to wear today (a green Doskoi Panda shirt and blue knee shorts), and visualized how the baby would look. He'd have Sanji's eyes, Zoro's hair, Sanji strong ass legs, and Zoro's intense concentration.

The cook chuckled, "Sure as hell better than Kevin, I suppose."

Chopper came through the galley door along with the captain, who was asking many random questions about babies. Chopper didn't look annoyed by it, but his tone and sarcasm to obvious questions said otherwise.

"So, babies have super powers?!"

"No! Just because their hearing is sensitive doesn't mean they can chew through steel!"

"They have super powers but DON'T have super powers?" Luffy gasped, "Mystery Babies~!"

Chopper gave up his attempt on educating the captain. Actually, why didn't he see this coming in the first place? The reindeer sighed as he made his way over to Zoro, holding what appeared to be some kind of journel. Zoro grinned. What perfect timing.

"Well, Zoro, I read your dream over," the doctor stated.

"Yeah? What does it mean?"

"...Do you really think I'd catapult a ba-"

"Chopper!"

"Okay okay! It could mean that you're afraid the baby might be in danger, but other than that, pregnancy dreams can be meaningless. So, you earned three points worth for jotting it down! Any other accomplishments?" Zoro opened is mouth, but his smile soon faded. Sanji put a lot of thought into picking a name, hell he couldn't even take half the credit. He didn't deserve taking points for Sanji's effort.

"I...Sanji picked a good name. Can you give him all the points?" the swordsman claimed. The cook raised an eyebrow at this request. Why was Zoro giving up points that they could have shared together? Chopper, however, smiled at this act of kindness. This entire game was paying off sooner than he thought it would.

Sanji stared at the first mate, who did everything from toying with his fingers to studying Luffy's hat just to avoid that questioning gaze. But the cook consciously continued, which got very creepy once Zoro practically felt the gaping hole burning through his skull. "WHAT?" he finally snapped. Chopper looked at him knowingly, grinning like an idiot. Sanji ran a hand through the other's soft hair, calming him and smiled, "Why?"

"You...you put a lot of thinking into this. It wouldn't be right to split the points. All I did was say I liked one," Zoro sighed. The rubber captain bounced over to three in a fit of excitement.

"POINTS? I wanna play! I want points, too! Please~!" he whined.

Zoro groaned inwardly. Luffy would be devastated if they said why he couldn't play along. To his surprised, Chopper giggled, "Yes, Luffy. You get some points."

"YAHOO~! What do I win?"

It was Sanji's turn to laugh. "I'll make some meatloaf."

"MEEAAAAT!"

Zoro: 24/Sanji: 21


	10. Month Seven

Me: I knew that it was Zoro's birthday and I thought about doing a fic, but my friend's like, "...Fuckthat, there's millions already." So, happy late birthday, Marimo!

Month Seven Checklist: November

_~Sign up for childbirth classes. ~Contemplate the breast versus bottle decision. _

The Sunny was quiet and serene; the perfect day for a certain reindeer to gather the right class equipment. Zoro and Sanji agreed to taking the serious childbirth class (both earning three points) and would come to the aquarium before noon. It was at least nine in the morning, meaning Chopper had little time to prepare. He rushed up and down the stairs countless times, but deemed the effort completely worth it. If this poorly last-minute plan succeeded, he'd be killing two bird with one stone; readying for the baby and improving the couple's relationship.

Zoro groaned as he walked down the stairs. Being pregnant was nothing short of feeling heavy and spent all the time. It was impossible, he didn't know how much longer he could take of this. Someone like him who trained day and night, all of a sudden reduced to "taking it easy"; his body couldn't handle that drastic change. He itched to fight, to train, hell, to _run_ around the deck without the risk of falling and hurting something delicate inside him. Two more months of this would seem like slowly passing years. And it didn't help that Sanji was there for him every step of the way!

Okay, maybe it _was_ for the fact that Sanji was there every step of the way that he didn't already jump overboard, but he didn't want it. Zoro didn't want to be treated like he was fragile, like he was weak. It just wasn't for him.

Meanwhile, Sanji was directly behind him, keeping an eye out in case he tripped. He never knew he could be so possessive until now. Every little thing Zoro did whether it be dangerous or not freaked him out. He started to noticed how simple everyday items could be fatal. For instance, a book could give him a paper cut and it could get infected and it might affect the baby! A chair could topple over or break a leg at any moment! And don't even get him started on the captain! Sanji made sure Zoro steered clear of Luffy when he wasn't around.

Over all, his protectiveness, seriousness, jealousy, and affection increased tenfold since he found out about Ko. He knew Zoro probably felt like killing him on the inside for acting this way, but he was still happy that the swordsman let him anyway.

The aquarium room had a table, two mats, and the plastic Ko doll. Chopper came tumbling down the stairs a second later, carrying diapers and the like galore. He immediately spotted their outlines by the fish tank, squeaking in surprise. "Z-Zoro! Sanji! I thought I'd have more time."

"That's what _I_ said, but the shit-cook dragged me out of bed," the first mate spat, rubbing the leftover sleep from his eyes.

Sanji crossed his arms leisurely, "What the hell are you talking about? I woke up before Chopper did! I let _you_ sleep for another two hours! But I guess an algae's sleeping habit is different from a human's."

Before they could bicker, Chopper slammed his hand contents on the table purposely. Sanji and Zoro raised an eyebrow at him, but Chopper paid it no mind.

"Okay, from now on, no more fighting; it's stressful for you and the baby. For the next two months, if I catch you two fighting, you'll lose points. This class is extremely important, so if you both do everything correctly I'll add on nine points. But _only_ if you do it right for the next two days. Now, Zoro sit on the mat in a way that you are comfortable," the doctor ordered. The swordsman did, scowling when he felt Sanji concerningly hold his hand steady. Once he was seated, Chopper motioned for the cook to join behind him.

"Alright, we're gonna practice your breathing. What you need to do is breathe in quick and easy. Like this: hee-hee-ho, hee-hee-ho." Zoro more or less got the hang of it after a while, repeating the mantra a little heavier than the reindeer. Chopper nodded once it appeared Zoro could remember.

"Next are some helpful positions when having contractions. Before you ask, contractions are tightening and relaxing of the uterine muscle, or in this case, the abdomen. Around labor, they usually last 60 seconds every five minutes."

"What do they feel like?"

"They...like how I imagined you got your long scar. But in one place."

Zoro winced visibly. Damn, did he feel that the next morning. Chopper began the positions that would help him cope; there were only first one being laying on either of your sides while breathing deeply. The second one was standing on your hands and knees while deeply breathing. Sanji huffed from his place on the couch, where he watched after being swatted away by Zoro when he ACCIDENTALLY brushed against his ass. He was on his _knees_; it was going to happen regardless!

Chopper stood up and walked over to the table. He grabbed the Ko doll, whose one eye widened, and gently set in on the edge. Motioning Sanji to join them, he announced, "Now, you two will be learning how to change a diaper. I'm fairly sure that neither of you have been around babies, so take your time."

Zoro hid his deranged smirked as he gathered the necessities. He had an advantage; he never forgot his time with Michael and Hoichael(1). As he shuddered at the thought of the dreaded Mama shirt, the swordsman wiped, powdered, and wrapped he diaper with ease, and in under ten seconds. Sanji stared at him speechless, he knew Zoro was fast, but in this sort of thing? He thought the marimo didn't know anything about infants! And how was he supposed to copy his movements if he couldn't even follow them?

The small doctor's eyes resembled shooting stars as he praised and gave three extra points to the marimo. Sanji cursed when Chopper called him over. How the hell was this going to work?

"Alright, Sanji. You know you...can start now," Chopper stated. The cook snapped out of his shock and glanced down at the doll, now naked and still in a ragged state. He took a deep breath, _I can do this. No big deal; it's just a diaper. How hard could it be?_

H{}H

"Wow, you managed to put it on backwards...and leave out a leg," Zoro chuckled. Sanji fumed as he angrily took the attempted diaper change off and threw it on the ground.

"Okay, fine! I give you that one! What's next Chopper?!"

"Oh, uh, next is swaddling. It's important to properly swadle so that they're warm, comfortable, and won't fall out. Zoro, you can start off."

The first mate nodded, picking up the fake Ko and placing him in a blanket. He never swaddled the babies, only carried them, so he didn't have a damn clue what he was doing. All he needed to do was wrap the doll up, right? What's the difference between wrapping and swaddling?

Sanji snickered, the poor doll looked like a mummy. Seems like Zoro isn't exactly fueled in this topic. Chopper appeared to be terrified, probably imagining the plastic Ko as the real one; that kind of thing could cause an expression like that. Zoro scoffed as he unwrapped the stupid thing. Okay, it was clear that he didn't do a good job. They didn't need to make it bluntly obvious.

The cook grinned smugly. The way Chopper demonstrated reminded him of a spinach wrap, er, swadle; anyway you want to think of it. Zoro crossed his arms, resting their weight on his bump. If he couldn't swadle, what made the shit-cook think he could? Sanji's skilled fingers quickly went to work, folding and folding until nothing but the doll's head poked out. Chopper clapped his hooves together and added on extra points for gentleness. Then, the small doctor did something that surprised and disturbed both men. He took out a type of pump with two suction cups connecting to a bottle.

"Zoro, the test results came back positive, meaning yes, you can lactate. You can use this, which extracts the milk, and you have the option of breastfeeding. Or would you rather use formula?"

"Well," Saniji thought, "It's not like we would run out of Zoro Milk."

The swordsman felt his cheeks heat up at the label. "Don't call it that!"

Chopper nodded, giving the first mate the odd contraption. "We're done for now, but we'll continue tomorrow. I wan to see progress!" Sanji and Zoro glared at each other; those damn points weren't going to get themselves!

Zoro: 30/Sanji: 27

Me: (1) Seriously, episode 318. Watch it if you haven't!


	11. Month Eight

Month Eight Checklist: December

_~Take five and de-stress; it's good for you and baby. ~Lay out your baby's essentials. ~Discuss circumcison with your pediatrician and your partner. _

After day two of the childbirth classes (and an endless battle of points), Zoro declared that he would be napping by the mast if anyone needed him. Chopper agreed, seeing as the lessons today were a bit too tiring for someone carrying. The swordsman protested at this, bragging that he was perfectly able to stay awake, but had nothing better to do and just chose not to at the moment. Sanji called him out on his bluff, saying that he _couldn't_ as opposed to not choosing to. He exhaustedly stalked to the galley to make lunch preparations for everyone, even the bottomless pit of a captain. Zoro shrugged; he didn't care. If the shit-cook didn't want to believe him, then find; he didn't have to. Even though he actually _was_ lying. Ko was being extra persistent today, especially since Zoro did all that moving for thirty minutes. Zoro was certain he'd need a kidney transplant after the little spawn was born.

The Sunny's mast was a comfort spot, where he sought out refuge from his nakama. He loved them to death, but Usopp's explosions (Franky's yelling), and Chopper's and Luffy's insistent game of Tag were bound to irritate anyone after so much of it. The mast might have been out in the open, but the rubber captain and the doctor normally played further down by the lion head. Usopp was either below deck or in the crow's nest, experimenting and keeping Brook company while he played his beloved hypnotic songs. Sure, the noise still lingered, but it wasn't as loud as it would have been if he went anywhere else. What really made the mast his oh so favorite spot had to be the delightful smell that hit the small gusts of wind perfectly, giving him a sniff of the cook's meal for the day. For the first time in quite a while, Zoro was relaxed.

"ZORO-BRO~! I'VE GOT A SUUUPEERRR-"

So much for trying to meditate.

"-RRR SURPRISE FOR YOU!" The cyborg's voice struck a thin nerve somewhere deep in the swordsman. Zoro irritably weighed his options as the mast supported his frame. Get up to go see Franky, or stay seated and have possibly the best nap of his life? As he snuggled back against the beloved mast, something landed lightly on his nose. He cracked an eye open; a flower petal? One of Robin's arms sprouted beside him and harshly flicked his ear with vigor. He winced at the unexpected stinging pain, batting the alleged nuisance away.

"I know what you're thinking, Kenshi-san," Robin claimed, her tone sounding not at all pleased as her attention was still devoted to her book, "and I do not approve." She was sitting in her yellow lawn chair close to the railing, resting her head against a thick pillow-like sheet of bubble wrap. One of Usopp's idea's finally served a great purpose.

"Okay, damn it," Zoro growled, using the mast to balance himself. Peace was apparently forbidden on this ship unless it was bedtime. Robin flashed a glare his way, urging him to not keep the shipwright waiting any longer. He groaned as he made his way below deck. Something was off when he stopped in front of the aquarium room, but he couldn't figure out what it was.

"Zo-" The swordsman spun around at lightning speed, hand instinctively flying for his hip. He registered the familiar deep voice inside his head as his and the cyborg's eyes met. Sighing at how jumpy he was and his lack of Wado, his posture straightened. Franky raised a skeptical eyebrow, but chose not to question the other. The soon-to-be mot-er, father seemed far too tense and annoyed throughout the passing months, and everyone agreed not to stress out the mood swings. The captain, thinking that mood swings were actual _swings_, poked and prodded at Zoro's patience and tolerance for a full week in hopes of having a turn on his swing. Their poor sencho almost drowned in the fish tank...

Franky ushered the swordsman inside; the shipwright going to a grateful length as to building a new room entirely. Inside was quite large, big enough to fit a king-sized bed, the Huggy Wuggy Whatever beside it, and a small spacious walk-in closet. Ko's diapers, clothes, and toys were inside a makeshift bin by the crib, and from what Zoro could see, they were perfectly aligned. Zoro marveled at it, especially the bed. It could fit the whole Straw Hat crew and possibly more, with room to spare. Though, he couldn't put his finger on why he would ever need a bed of that size.

"Uh, why's the bed so huge?" he asked the blue hair.

Franky wiggled his eyebrows seductively with a knowing and cheeky grin.

"PERVERTED SCRAP METAL!"

Franky laughed heartily. God knows he loved seeing the swordsman flustered whenever he implied something bluntly obvious. "It's okay, Zoro-bro. Everyone knows how you and Sanji-bro love to get ya freak on. I even soundproofed it."

"You are one sick bastard," the first mate hissed, "...But thanks. Nice job."

H{}H

Chopper called Zoro into the Sick Bay, and once the sleepy swordsman arrived there, the cook greeted him. Sanji was seated next to the small doctor, whom was holding his clipboard. Were they checking something off without him? Chopper spotted him standing unsurely by the door, telling him to join beside Sanji and close the door tightly. He did, and Chopper awkwardly tapped the clipboard in no particular patterns, thinking of how he should go about this situation.

"What I'm going to ask is very important. Do you want the baby to be circumcised?" he choked out. As a doctor, this shouldn't have been difficult for him, but since he _was_ the one to do it, the thought had the little reindeer on edge. Sanji immediately nodded, but Zoro only tilted his head slightly. What the hell was Chopper talking about? He couldn't fathom what the term even meant.

Chopper knew that the swordsman's medical vocabulary was limited (he pretty much knew pill, injection, and anesthesia) so he didn't hesitant on explaining. "Do you want me to cut off the foreskin of the penis? If not, there are several health risks. Like irritation, inflammation" Chopper didn't bother to clarify, "and infection."

"I...does it look any different? Is it common?"

"Oh, yeah, very. Everyone the ship is circumcised," Chopper claimed.

"...Even Nami and Robin?"

"Oh, well, I, no, uh, I suppose they can-"

"SHITTY MARIMO!" Sanji bellowed, tugging on Zoro's ear, "Don't ask such personal questions about a lady! Oh, Robin-chwan~! Nami-swan~! I'm sorry you've been brought into such a question~!"

Choppr rolled his eyes, "Well, since that's settled, the nine points you both earned for finishing the childbirth classes with...somewhat flying colors plus the circumcision decision. That leaves you with twelve added points!"

"Since we're so close, can we have a hint at what the prize is?" Sanji asked. Zoro nodded eagerly, despite his throbbing ear. Chopper put his clipboard away while humming in thought. Should he give some indication on what it was? The soft furred reindeer smirked; a foreign expression on his normally innocent face.

"What prize can it be?

It'll make you richer than rich

It's more precious than gold

And for generations, its story shall be told." With that, the small doctor left the room, leaving behind a confused pair of contestants.

Zoro: 42/Sanji: 39

Me: What could it be~?

Mid: Go ahead and guess! :}


	12. Month Eight Extra

Me: Over two thousand views already? Like damn you guys XD I love that you love the story; it makes me happy that I can provide entertainment for wonderful induviguals like yourselves!

Mid: ...Indivigivuals..._Individuals_.

Me: Ah~! I knew there wasn't a G in there...

Month Eight Extra

Luffy cheered as he shoved his mug high in the air, proclaiming that this year's Christmas together would be spectacular after being separated for so long. Franky then began to sob dramatically from reminiscing about how much he missed everyone, gulping down cola to try to muffled his bawls of happiness. Zoro sat in his usually seat, in between Luffy and the cook, sulking in the process of the crew's extreme version of fun. Despite the Christmas themed colorful streamers, Sanji's gigantic feast, Brook and Franky's strangely funky music, the genuine laughs and jokes, and he kind exchanges of gift to one another, Zoro couldn't find happiness.

For one, he was beyond the simple word of sober. You can't have fun at a pirate party without a bit of booze, which he was forbidden a single drop. Sanji's attention had been hogged by the huge meal he had been cooking all day, plus "treating" Nami and Robin, _plus_ guarding the food from the impatient captain, _PLUS_ helping Franky take the helm as the Sunny docked at the next island: Jiroshiko. Of course, he'd glance at Zoro every so often to make sure he didn't trip and fall on his face or something, but they were no words spoken, no quick hugs, Sanji hadn't even stole a kiss like he regularly does. They annoyed the swordsman on end, but the lack of contact with the cook put a damper on his partying mood. Hell, those kisses were gladly welcomed.

Usopp and Chopper giggled at Luffy's failed attempt on impersonating Franky by rolling up his shorts so they could resemble speedos. Nami and Robin shivered, furiously rubbing at their two layered covered arms. A fleece sweater and a fluffy trench coat weren't enough to block out the December weather. How the hell did the golden idiots ignore this kind of cold? It didn't help that Jiroshiko was _always_ the same temperature: 18 degrees below. Sometimes lower.

"D-D-Damn, h-how can th-they party like this?" the navigator choked out. Robin shrugged, sipping on her hot coco in hopes of regaining the feeling in her toes. Luffy's odd resistence stunned her at first, but she gradually lost interest in the captain's capability once he suffered for it a day later.

The first mate hummed as the stove was never turned off. The warmth that radiated through the galley was absolutely heaven. Why everyone was outside, he didn't know, probably because they were morons. Mountains of food lay on the table in front of him and his empty stomach (hunger wise), but he didn't feel like eating, and neither did Ko for some reason. Could the baby feel his emotions? If that was the case, the brat was a sadist. Regardless, Zoro sat there alone in the galley, on the brink of depression.

The door suddenly opened and just as quickly tried to close, a certain blonde warding off a food-crazed rubber boy. "SANJIII~!"

"No, you little shithead! I told you to wait at least an hour before you start shoving more down your throat!"

"But I'm huuuunnngryyy!"

"WHAT THE FUCK ELSE IS NEW?" The door was slammed shut and locked, a disappointed groan immediately voicing behind it. Sanji sighed and turned around, smiling brightly at the moping swordsman. Seeing Zoro actually made his evening, especially after all the chaos he's been through. He walked over to the other, wrapping an arm around his shoulders in a side hug. Zoro felt several birds take flight in the pit of his stomach; the sudden hunger pain hit him again and he no longer craved sake.

"Enjoying yourself all alone, marimo?" Sanji asked.

"No, actually Ko is a very good listener. Unlike his father," Zoro grinned at the cook's scowl. The scowl he has been dying to see all day.

"Whatever, _Mommy_."

"Whatever, _Daddy_."

Sanji smirked, "I don't think you should call me that."

Zoro scoffed, oblivious to the devious smirk, "Why? Does Daddy not like that?"

"Actually," the cook leaned closer until his lips brushed against the swordsman's own, "Daddy likes that a little too much." The kiss they briefly shared held nothing but gentleness. Zoro felt a little needy as he nibbled at Sanji's bottom lip, silently asking to taste. Sanji complied, but his tongue ravished and pillaged the marimo's until he gave in, letting the cook lick and savor the inside of his mouth. Zoro moaned quietly, cupping Sanji's cheek as a loving hand began to wander.

"S-Sanji," Zoro gasped, breaking the kiss for air. "W-we should try out our..new room."

"Yeah, try it! I wanna see if it works," Franky chirped from the door.

Sanji pulled away reluctantly, "Wh-FRANKY? The hell?!"

"Like I said, your new room is sound proof. The kitchen and the rest of the ship...not so much," he claimed.

The cook glanced at Zoro with hope sparkling in his eyes. The swordsman's eyes widened; no, hell no. How the hell could they _do_ it knowing that Franky knew? And the cyborg surely wouldn't keep it a secret! Zoro shook his head, shooting down his lover's desires and dreams with a simple motion. "Why not?" Sanji whined.

"I'm not fucking when I know that everyone knows that I'm fucking. It's fucking weird."

"It's okay, Zoro-bro. Go ahead and get ya freak on; don't mind us."

Zoro blinked. Then blinked again.

"What the fuck do you mean...'us'?"

"..."

"..."

"...I'd say my heart hurts from guilt, but I don't have one! Yohohohoho!"

H{}H

Nami had everyone gather in the kitchen, it being the only place she could tolerate, so the crew could exchange their gifts too each other. It was sort of a Secret Santa event; each member of the crew bought or made another member something, and so on. They agreed to receive their gifts in rank, starting with the over excited captain. Luffy clapped his hands together with high spirits, hoping that he was right about the person he repeatedly guessed was his Santa.

"C'mon, Usopp! I know it's you," Luffy grinned, sticking out his hands. Usopp shook his head for the billionth time this week. Why did the captain just assume it was him?

"Actually, it's me," Chopper said, picking up his perfectly wrapped box. Luffy shot his arms forward to grab it, thanking him and claiming that he knew it was the reindeer all along. He ripped it open, his face instantly holding confusion and a bit of wonder. He pulled out a small machine with a giant wand sticking out of it. "Uh, Chopper?"

"Turn it on," the doctor smiled. The switch on the side was flipped, and impossibly large bubbles flew out the wand opening.

Luffy sucked in a deep breath, "...WHOOOOAAAA~! THANKS PAL!"

Zoro grimaced when Nami walked up to him. The sea witch was his Santa? God knows what she could have got him, if she even got him anything. It would probably be a decrease on his debt, at least 5%. The navigator grinned devilishly as she handed him a box, not bothering to wrap it up. He glared at her when he shook it gently, hearing multiple things jiggle inside. "Go ahead, Zoro. Open it," she urged. Her tone was pure evil.

Once the box flap was opened, he felt the color drain from his face. Sanji must have noticed this because he leaned over to peek. Zoro whipped it away nervously as the dreaded blush slowly crept up, "I-I-uh."

"What's the matter? Aren't you gonna thank me?" Nami smirked.

Zoro groaned in defeat, "_Thank you, Nami_," he hissed. Sanji pouted, he wanted to see what got his marimo so flustered! "Oi, marimo. Share with the class."

"I...d-don't think you want to know."

"Just flash it real quick."

"No! My present, my privacy!"

"Yeah, Zoro! We wanna know, too," Usopp cut in. Vigorous nods from Chopper, Luffy, Brook, and a grin-crazy Franky wore the swordsman down. He sighed, glancing over to the youngest of the nine. This present...Chopper shouldn't be subjected to something so indecent, but he was so determined to know as well as the rest of them. Zoro pointed to the island, "Hey, is that a rare medical herb by the bushes?"

"REALLY WHERE?" While the doctor was distracted, Zoro swallowed his pride and took out the box contents. There were snarky and smug remarks regarding the gag, but the other "toys" only gained knowing grins. Chopper came back from the porthole disappointed and ready to see the swordsman's gift. Zoro panicked, inconspicuously grabbing a piece of broccoli and poking two pieces of corn on both sides.

"Just a gag gift," he claimed.

"Oi, Zoro, don't talk that way about your new little brother. The resemblance is uncanny, isn't it?" Nami grinned. She knew the first mate would get his vengeance sooner or later, but for now the bragging begins.

Usopp received a new slingshot from Robin, who received a thick history book from Franky, who received a gutiar tuner from Brook. Luffy made Sanji a promise not to eat all the meat at night (best present to a chef ever), and Sanji swooningly gave Nami fifty beli he's been saving up. Zoro bought Brook a delicate sharpener for his violin bow, something any swordsman could appreciate. Luffy dragged Usopp and Chopper back to the freezing cold outside to build a snow monster, while Nami asked Robin to help her look over a new map she bought. Brook and Franky discussed working on a Christmas song together as they left, leaving the cook and swordsman alone in peace.

Sanji pulled the protesting first mate into his lap as he embraced him. He noticed he hadn't spent as much time as he wished to with the other, and he couldn't have the honor of being his Secret Santa. Being in Zoro's presence was the highlight of his day. The swordsman sighed in content as he lazily wrapped his arms around the cook's neck. "You know, I got you a present," Sanji stated.

Zoro glanced up at him before burying his face into the tailored suit, "Oh, yeah?"

"Yep."

"What is it?"

Sanji grinned, "Me."

"Oh, joy." The cook laughed at the lack of feeling in his voice, hugging Zoro closer to his chest. He nuzzled the soft marimo locks with his nose, enjoying the tickling sensation. "I have a confession."

"It better not be a mistress."

The blonde chuckled, "No, but Nami-san and I kind of got you two-part gift."

Zoro blinked, "What do you mean?"

"Well, Nami-san got them, and the second part doesn't come until later."

The swordsman gulped, "Later as in...tonight?"

Sanji's eyes widened at the thought, "No! Later as in after Ko is born." The cook ran his hand down the other's back, "You can't get into that kind of machine while pregnant~"


	13. Month Nine

Month Nine Checklist: January

_~Make a plan, and a back-up plan for readying yourself for labor ~Put your feet up, relax, and take a deep breath. The rest is up to your baby!_

"Sanji, what...is that?" Chopper asked, referring to the bulging bag the cook was packing in the men's quarters. The blonde sucked leisurely on his cigarette at the corner of his mouth, blowing smoke out his flaring nostrils. Sanji grinned at him; he was sure Zoro hadn't this far in the guide yet. He motioned for to the small reindeer to come towards him, which Chopper did timidly. He wasn't a therapist, but he wasn't certain if he should go near the other, considering the psychotic smile he was proudly sporting.

"Oh, I just thought I put together the plan," the cook replied casually while shoving a few more blankets inside. Chopper immediately noticed his pair of scissors from the infirmary lying in Sanji's hammock, at arm's length to be used at any time. He frowned, "What are you using my scissors for?"

"Modifying the bag. It's too small to hold everything."

"Then why not use two ba-"

"Too late; done already." Chopper raised an eyebrow. He thought it clear that they didn't necessarily _need_ any bags, since the Sick Bay had all the equipment up and ready. Regardless, Sanji appeared to put a lot of work into this. The bag had several freshly washed blankets, a change of clothes, and something hidden in another pouch. Chopper curiously pointed to it, seemingly surprising the blonde. Damn, he thought he hid it better. Zoro would murder him if anyone found out.

"What's that?" the doctor questioned. Sanji sighed, unzipping the bag partly before taking said object out. Chopper stared at it disbelief; was it Sanji or the swordsman that would own _that_? The cook inhaled another puff as he held the small circular stuffed toy closely; its googly eyes shaking slightly. Its fuzz was the same color as Zoro's hair, perhaps a little darker. Looks like he had to take one for the team, err, relationship.

"It's mine," he admitted boldly, "It's a toy marimo."

Chopper blinked. "...AW~! That's adorable," he exclaimed. Who knew Sanji could be such a sappy lover? The doctor smiled, maybe he'd let him have the points anyway. "Okay, well, make sure you bring the scissors. There the only pair on the ship," Chopper left the room, and Sanji put the marimo back inside its own personal pouch. It wasn't his, and he's not sure if the kid could tell he was lying. Though, Sanji did buy it, but as a joke to piss Zoro off before they started dating and before the crew got separated. A while after the reunion, he spotted the familiar ball of fake moss placed beside a sleeping swordsman one night. It was quite a shock that Zoro didn't throw it out as soon as he received it, and it peaked many questions, but he'd be damned if he didn't say it was the sweetest thing in the world.

The cook thought the marimo might give Zoro some comfort during the birth, help him get through it faster. Sanji smiled in pure thought of _his_ own marimo.

H{}H

Zoro practiced his deep breathing, and he'd be lying if he said it didn't work with mediating also. The score was already 42 to 39, and the baby would be coming any moment. There was no more things to check off in the Month Nine checklist but resting. So that's exactly what he was doing. Secluded by Nami's mikan bushes, the sun slowly setting on the orange horizon, the breeze light and warm, and strangely no noise. No rubber captains whining about the lack of adventures, no The Great Usopp stories, no clamorous metal-on-metal sounds from Franky's repairs.

It was absolutely beautiful.

Sanji had finally exited the men's quarters. He felt a bit skittish, so he re-checked all the supplies in the bag. And re-checked. And re-checked. Sanji knew he was just wasting precious time where he could be making dinner, but the nagging feeling that he forgot something wouldn't go away. He packed Zoro a robe (since he refused on his light blue gown), slippers, socks, chapstick, snacks as well as drinks, a book on swords, pillows, swimming trunks, two or three of Ko's outfits, and a baby blanket.

Well, it _is_ a big enough bag for it all. Why not use that space?

He made his way to the galley, appreciating the quiet aura the Sunny was giving off. With Usopp and Luffy still sick, the Sunny seemed happy with her break away from them. Sanji pulled out another cigarette and lit it with ease. As he inhaled, a scream erupted from outside. His heart nearly sunk at the deep voice; his legs not waiting on his mind's command before taking off. Outside on the deck, he heard heavy breathing behind Nami's tangerines and a few grunts of pain. The cook climbed up the stairs, shooing away the worst-case scenarios piling up.

"Zoro?" he called. Said swordsman glanced at him with flushed cheeks, holding his stomach for dear life. That sudden pain hadn't felt like one of Ko's famous kicks, more along the lines of a million tiny piranhas having a field day. Sanji kneeled beside him as Zoro attempted to sit up.

'"What's wrong? Is it happening? Now?!"

"Either that or Ko's making some home renovations," Zoro bit back. Another contraction almost made him yell his lungs raw. This kind of internal pain was close to unbearable, and he could feel the strength vanish from his legs. They were left weak and shaky as he tried to stand, but it apparently wasn't going to happen. Sanji gave his all in lifting the first mate in his arms. Technically he was carrying two people, so the weight didn't come as a shock.

The cook practically ran to the Sick Bay, calling Chopper and ordering him to get prepared. The reindeer yelped as he made one of the beds and took out his gloves, all while yelling that they needed a doctor. Sanji set the heaving and panting Zoro down, reassuring that everything would be all right and that it would be worth it. He then turned to leave the room, but Zoro grabbed the tail of his jacket. "Where the hell are you going?!"

"I gotta get the pregnancy bag! _And_ Franky! I promise I'll be back." The grip on his suit loosened until the hand fell limply onto the mattress. Zoro depressingly watched Sanji exit the room with inhuman speed, his footsteps being drowned out by Chopper filling the birthing tub with water. He cursed Ko's timing; he wasn't the least bit prepared for the onslaught of vicious cramps. Sanji would be back, right? Of course! How dare he? How could he let a thought like abandonment protrude his mind at such a time? The cook _would_ come back, he _would _have his child, and they _would_ live happily ever fucking after, damn it!

H{}H

Nami and Robin stood outside of the Sick Bay, cringing at Zoro's pained yells of agony. Usopp and Brook had trouble holding a frantic Luffy back from going inside, wanting to "save" his first mate from whatever bad guy hurting him. Nami hit him hard, forcing a huge pink bump to shoot out of his hat. "Idiot, stop that! Zoro's fine; he's having my nephew," she said smugly. Robin simply shook her head at the positive navigator. She was so excited with the baby's arrive that she couldn't see that with those sounds, the swordsman was quite far from being fine.

Luffy frowned in confusion. If Zoro was fine, then why was he screaming? Usopp and Brook let him go once it seemed like he wouldn't burst through the door. The only thing coming from the infirmary were Chopper's encouraging words and commands. Zoro's breathing remained labored and as loud as ever, along with a few of Sanji's cries at what Robin assumed to be Zoro's grip.

_"Push, Zoro! You can do it!"_

_"FUCK! Ch-Chopper, what...what was t-the other option?!" _the swordsman choked out breathlessly.

_"Oh, um, you mean a C-section?"_

_"ARGH! Sure, w-whatever; what IS that?"_

_"I'd have to cut your stomach open-"_

_"Asleep or awake?!"_

_"Awake." _Zoro silently considered the thought until:

_"But it's too late. The baby's half out."_

The crew felt bad for Chopper's sensitive ears. After the loud string of curses and grunts, the Sick Bay tumbled into an odd silence. No one spoke; inside the room or outside it. The cry of a baby soon echoed throughout the Sunny, and everyone happily broke into knowing grins at each other. Their new nakama has officially arrived.

"It's a boy," Chopper smiled, cradling Ko in his arms. Zoro finally released Sanji's shin, squeezing the marimo tightly as the sheering pain became a dull ache, and Franky comforted the blubbering chef. He was fairly sure no bones were broken, but if it didn't hurt like hell. Ko's eyes darted around the room, landing on the doctor. The infant sported the cook's ocean blue eyes, and the swordsman's features but softer. Fom what Chopper could see the few strands of hair on his head were similar to turquoise. His sobs quickly died down as Chopper searched for something on the table. Frowning, he hummed, "Sanji, where are the scissors?"

Sanji's eyes widened. _Fuck, that's what I forgot._

H{}H

Robin tried to ask Sanji how everything went, but he flew off towards the stairs in a fit of swearing. The next time anyone received the chance to check up on the first mate was when Chopper gave them permission to enter. Zoro lay in bed under a few blankets while Ko rested in the Huggy Wuggy crib. Franky told everyone to be as quiet as they could, especially the over excited captain. Sanji sat in a chair next to his lover, stroking his hand subconsciously as the rest of the Straw Hats piled in. Brook was the first to congratulate them and wish Zoro a "get well". Nami squealed in delight once she saw Ko. The built up happiness threatening to escape from her eyes. Usopp and Luffy couldn't contain their feelings, so they ran out of the room and onto the deck to cheer and laugh. Robin sent him a smile. It seemed only yesterday that they were having a "How genders differ" discussion. Yes, she told the swordsman that women had a higher pain tolerance, and now she had the feeling Zoro would admit she was right.

"For the record, Chopper. Did either of us...actually win?" Zoro questioned. To be perfectly honest, he didn't give a damn about the contest anymore. If he got the prize, Sanji could gladly have it. They had Ko now, and having a son, or even a daughter, felt like the greatest prize in the world. Granted, he was planning on having children until twenty-eight, but twenty-one and happy was just as good. Chopper plucked off the envelope clipped onto his clipboard and handed it to the other. "You're both tied at 42 points. So you both get the prize."

Zoro looked wearily at the envelope. He thought it would be something more...useful. Sanji appeared just as disappointed as he did, peeking over the swordsman's shoulder to get a better glimpse. Zoro ripped it open without hesitation. Sanji flicked his temple for his negligence towards something fragile. Seriously, what if it had been 200 belis in there? He slid a large piece of paper out, unfolding it cautiously. It read:

_Blackleg Ko: DOB: January 4th_

_Father:_DOB:_

_Mother:_DOB:_

Chopper smiled at their surprised faces and handed them his pen, "Congratulations. You've won the contest. Enjoy _your_ prize."

Me: Aw, kind of obvious I know T-T But what's a better prize than a cute little Ko?

Mid: From now on it'll be extras, BUT THERE'S A TWIST! Drumroll please!

Me: Do your own damn drumroll.

Mid: Ugh DODODODODDODODODO TA-DA! It'll be prompts XD

Me: Not just any ol' prompts. Prompts from YOU! Yeah buddy, I'm looking at you. Review and leave a request. Ko can be a baby, toddler, teen; any idea you have I'll give it a try! Don't know how many chapters though. I guess whenever the request stop. So this is your chance and I'll be waiting to cater to you!


	14. Prompt 1

_Sanji walking in on Zoro and Ko napping with the little baby on mommy's chest, with him having thoughts about another child and keeping Usopp and Luffy from disturbing his adorable family's rest.-babygaaralover_

"Damn it, where the hell is my lighter?" Sanji growled. He was in desperate need of a cigarette, and with the gas stove broken, his lighter was the only option. The cook sighed as he made his way below deck. He'd get it then go right back to cooking. No distractions, and no whining captains (for the time being), this was the perfect time to start on lunch. He opened the door to his shared room, spotting Zoro's sock poking out of the blanket. "Oi, marimo. Have yo-"

His words were cut short at the most adorable sight on earth, no, _galaxy_.

Zoro was sprawled out on the mattress in his Kinky Girl robe (with the weight loss, it fitting more loosely and reaching his knees) and Ko rested curled up on one side atop his slowly rising and falling chest with utter content. A bit of drool seeped out the corner of their mouths, creating the splitting image of father and son. The way Ko clutched onto Zoro's robe like it was a security blanket, Sanji couldn't help but melt at them. The only thing missing from this scene wasn't him, the daddy, like he thought it would be, it. No, he was thinking of another little body cuddling with the marimo. In his vision, a daughter. Blonde hair, Zoro golden eyes, stout little nose, cute smile and heart-warming laugh. Vanessa; their little Vanessa. Sanji faintly wondered if Zoro would be up for another child. Of course, the swordsman wouldn't want another so soon. but the cook could dream, can't he? Yes, a beautiful "Mommy", a loving (and devilishly handsome) Daddy, a powerful and loyal son, and a gorgeous and kind-hearted dau-

"OI OI! STOP PUSHING!" Usopp's incredibly deafening and (suddenly) annoying voice erupted from outside their bedroom door. Zoro stirred, but didn't wake up. Sanji growled lowly; the poor marimo deserved his sleep uninterrupted! The blonde chewed on his cigarette as he lightly closed the door behind him. Usopp and Luffy were bickering _way_ too loudly for his taste. He stormed over and roughly caught them by their shirt collars like you would a cat by the scruff.

"SAN_FI_-" The cook dropped the sharpshooter to slap his hand over the captain's big mouth, muffling the second part of his glared at him with as much seriousness he could conjure. Hopefully, the rubber brained idiot would understand when he explained.

"Listen," Sanji demanded, dropping the other. He shifted his cigarette from one side to the other, satisfied with the tobacco tang. "Go back up to the deck."

"Why? We wanted to see Ko and teach him some cool stuff," Luffy pouted.

"You can't. They're sleeping right now. So be quiet and _leave_."

"You can't order the captain around! Captain's orders!"

"You need to be _SILENT_. _Cook's_ orders," Sanji hissed quietly, "And disobeying the _cook's _orders won't throw you in the brig. It'll send a steel-toe shoe so far up your asses that there'll be scuff marks on your tongues." Luffy and Usopp gulped audibly as they sped up the stairs, as soundless as field mice. Sanji smirked and went back into the room. Zoro and Ko were in different positions; one of the swordsman's hands was draped protectively over Ko's body, and the infant subconsciously nuzzled it. Sanji stood over them and stroked Zoro's hair soothingly through his fingers, letting the locks fall back into their original places.

"Pffft," the swordsman began giggling uncontrollably, trying his best not to disturb the baby. Sanji raised a skeptical eyebrow at him. "How long have you been awake?"

"Since you first came in. Now, bring those lips down here," Zoro grinned, stifling his maniacal giggles, "First mate's orders."

Sanji chuckled and reluctantly obeyed. He kissed Zoro briefly, then kissed the top of Ko's head lovingly. The child groaned and batted the air with his hands feebly, but otherwise remained in Dream Land. Sanji promised to come back later to deliver his lunch so he wouldn't have to get up, earning a smile and thanks. He exited the room and instinctively sucked on his cancer stick. It came as a surprise when it wasn't lit. "Oh, yeah," he remembered. His hand reached for the doorknob, but the strangest sensation, or lack of sensation, ran through his body. He felt a smile tug at his lips. He oddly enough didn't want a cigarette anymore.

Me: Short, I know. But this was the first one I got done with.

Mid: More soon to come!


	15. Prompt 2

_We maybe can't have the crew head back towards Hiyoko Island, but what if the crew coincidentally meet each other again while said Marines are in patrol?-Labyrith-chan_

"LAND-HO~!" Luffy shouted from the Sunny's figure-head. Nami frowned, the next island shouldn't have been in sight for at least another two days. How did they reach it so quickly? The captain stretched his arms to grab the sharpshooter, who was working on another one of his inventions. Usopp internally shrieked when his entire body was lifted from the floor, and he could hear Luffy's obnoxious laughter slowly increasing behind him.

"USOPP! We can go on an adventure~!"

"No, you can't," Nami sharply interrupted, "This isn't the island that's scheduled. We're going to restock, and then _maybe_ I'll let you adventure on the next one." Luffy seemed terribly distraught at that idea as his grip on Usopp loosened (sending longnose falling face first). Robin chuckled at their antics, pausing on her next paragraph. Ko lie beside her in his mobile crib, giggling at the sound of Luffy's whines. His jade one piece hanged loosely from his body since he had yet to grow into it. Dark brown booties swallowed his small kicking feet snugly. The infant was quite a happy baby when fed and rested. He rarely cried when it wasn't needed. She bent over to gently pick him up and smiled.

Ko blinked rapidly as he fidgeted in the woman's arms. He began to bawl loudly, surprising the Devil fruit user. She rocked him back and forth, but that only succeeded in making him unleash a ear-splittingly loud scream. Robin panicked; she read a book about babies, so why wasn't her efforts working? Ko cried and sobbed until Franky noticed she was having trouble. "Oi, Robin? Need help?"

"Oh, yes, please," she breathed. She hadn't realized how much of a relief it was until the baby was out of her care. Franky actions were similar to her own, only more focussed and determined. Ko cried harder. The cyborg groaned to himself in defeat. This was one tough kid to work with.

Zoro came out on deck, carrying one of Ko's stuffed rabbits in hand. He spotted the miserable child pestering a worrisome Franky. He looked scared, which amused the swordsman greatly. Who knew the robot was so uneasy around children? He chuckled, making his way over to the two. Robin tapped Franky's shoulder to snap him out of his persistent trance. The first mate held his hands out and the shipwright hurriedly and gladly gave Ko up. The baby's eyes widened once he was in new arms; oddly comfortable and familiar ones. All cries and sniffles ceased as he snuggled into Zoro's chest, clinging on tightly to the stuffed animal. Robin frowned in jealousy, though she understood how only Zoro could calm him down.

Once they disembarked, ordered everyone to pair up with their selected partners. Zoro placed the baby inside the stroller Nami bought months ago and Ko didn't like the idea of being separated. He made a noise in the back of his throat as Zoro buckled the belt, taking a hold of the swordsman's hair once he was in grabby hands' range.

"OW. Ow, owowowow. Off; let go," Zoro pried the infant's hands off, his poor roots yelling complaints. Sanji laughed beside him and took control of pushing the carriage off the plank, following Luffy and Chopper. Zoro grumbled as he rubbed the damaged areas atop his head, following after.

H{}H

"Oi, any more reports?" The Marine captain demanded, his expression stone cold. His unit had been on Kico Kico Island for three days, patrolling the villages. He was beyond tired, and the preference on docking there were taken care of. The lieutenant told him everything seemed to be sorted out, and the pirates were captured. They could leave at any given moment, but he could tell by his crew's weariness that they should rest before setting sail.

"Sir! We've seen Pirate Hunter Zoro and BlackLeg Sanji near the market!" a solider shouted.

"WHAT? Round up the men! Meet at the in the center once you've caught their attention. They mustn't get away!"

Ko (winning the stroller vs arms battle) laid his head happily on his mommy's shoulder. Sanji made remarks on how cute they both looked, earning scorching scowls from the swordsman. Ko appeared to be the most attached to him, beating Sanji by a landslide. Zoro couldn't express how embarrassing it was to carry a baby in public, especially since Nami reminded the crew that this island was up-to-date. Regardless, whatever Ko wanted, the loveable brat eventually got.

"'M hungry," Zoro huffed, switching Ko to his other arm.

"I made bentou, but the shitty rubber snatched it and bolted."

"Don't say that."

"Say what?"

"The "S" word."

"...Why exactly?"

"The same reason you're not supposed to smoke with babies in the room."

"I don't!"

"I know, and that's why you shouldn't curse."

"'Cause babies might get secondhand?"

"...Dumbass."

"Fucking hypocrite."

"Mine was an accident!"

"Mhmm."

The two-headed to the first diner they saw, noticing something peculiar about right off the bat. It was surrounded by irritated villagers, who wanted entrance inside. The building appeared to be abandoned and shut down at the moment, probably for a crime. Someone was telling the crowd to come back another day, and said person was wearing a Marine uniform. "Shit," Sanji stated, turning Zoro in another direction. A voice rang out from behind them, shouting out their location. The swordsman sighed and held on tighter to Ko. They ran from the quickly increasing footsteps, but there were hardly any buildings to inconspicuously hide in.

"Damn, Chopper still has my swords. You'll have to do this one, if you can handle it," Zoro grinned. How long had it been since he shed blood? Ten damn months? The itch was back and stronger than ever. He could practically feel Sandai Kitesui calling for him on the Sunny. But he promised himself never to fight around Ko; things could get messy and a baby shouldn't be exposed to such things. Which is precisely why he left Sanji to deal with them, while he got Ko to a safer place.

"Stop, Zoro," a single Marine stepped in his way. He had no weapons on him; Zoro figured he could just kick the bastard and run right then and there. As if things weren't bad enough, the solider smiled at him. Zoro knew from experience that whenever the enemy smiled, shit would hit the fan. Ko grew uncomfortable in the tight hold, and kicked his chest through the blanket.

The Marine's smile widened. Zoro thought a smartass comment would slip out, and he'd have to cut off those lips with his bare hands, but it never came. "How's it going? We hadn't got the chance to talk last time. How's Luffy-san doing? Aw, you had your baby already!"

"How the fuck did you know _I_ had him?" Was he world-known for _this_ reason now? Wait, wait a second. "Luffy-san"? This guy; the swordsman knew him from somewhere. The eyes, the headband, the purple glasses, the fucking _pink hair_.

"HIM? It's a boy?! Oh~! What's his name! What'shisname?!"

"Shit, Coby(1). You scared the hell outta me for a second," Zoro said, loosening his grip on Ko. The infant was completely grateful for that, unbeknownst to Zoro, sighing in relief. Coby smiled, waiting for his questions to be answered. The first mate wondered two things; one: Coby was a captain, why wasn't he doing his job and taking him in? Two: what the fuck did babies _do_ to Marines to make them like this?

H{}H

Sanji inhaled the nicotine throughly, stepping over the Marines' unconscious bodies. He didn't kill them; God knows how much trouble that would have been. Some minor injuries here and there, but nothing fatal. Now, he needed to find Zoro. The cook knew the marimo was safe, but the protective side of him was _throbbing_. With directional skills of an acorn, his swordsman could've ran _anywhere_ on the island. How the hell was he supposed to find him?

"NO WAY!"

"Haha! Yes way! My swords only went halfway, though."

"Didn't it hurt?"

"Oh, yeah. Like hell. But as long as I didn't need to cut off my arms, I could've fought." Zoro's voice was...closer than Sanji expected. And oddly calm. The cook saw him talking with a Marine captain; a familiar one at that. Ko was in the stranger's arms, no crying and no fussing. What was his name? Jody? Sanji suddenly felt bad about the other soldiers lying limp on the ground. Come to think of it, they didn't have any guns or swords on them. Oh, fuck.

Zoro waved to him, motioning him over to join the conversation. Hesitantly, the cook met them halfway, immediately recognizing the man. "Coby?!"

Coby looked surprised to say the least. "Sanji-san? Oi, didn't you go AWOL on my men last time?"

"Oh, yeah, sorry about that. Hehe, yeah...last time," Sanji chuckled nervously.

Luckily, the Marine captain didn't look behind his back. Coby directed his attention to Ko and Zoro again, rocking the baby gently as he went on. "Hey, did you ever have a baby shower?"

"No idea what that is, so I'm gonna have to say no."

"I'll throw you one, buddy! Everything on me for the day. I just need to call my..._men?!_ WHA-SANJI-SAN?! _REALLY?_" Sanji bit down on his cigarette, shoving his hands in his pockets. He muttered lamely under his breath, "It was self-defense."

"I TOLD THEM NOT TO BRANDISH THEIR ARMS!"

"I'm a pirate! Marines _are_ weapons!"

Zoro shook his head, "Honestly, cook. How could you?"

"YOU FUCKING HYPOCRITE!"

Me: Didn't turn out the way I expected it to...Sorry! But I hope you still like it!

Mid: (1) Oh no we didn't! Yeah we put him in there! XP


	16. Prompt 3

_Zoro and Sanji deal with being new parents/Their first time away from Ko.-Dragon77_

Robin smiled as Sanji approached her, "Cook-san, do you know if we...have...any...?" The lovecook completely ignored her, wasting no time in sprinting down the hall to where she presumed the galley. It was unusual for him to pay no mind to either her or Nami, and he seemed a little on edge about something. His eyes were low and puffy with dark circles around them; was the chef sleeping at all? His suit was wrinkled, something that he would never let happen if he had the choice. What was even stranger; Sanji wasn't wearing any shoes. That was a rare sight indeed, rare and unnatural. Robin made her way to the kitchen, only to be treated like air once again.

After a moment, she sat down at the table as Sanji continued to ran back and forth, rummaging through the fridge for bottles or baby food. She crossed her arms as she let this process go on, sighing. It seems Ko is running him ragged, God only knows how Zoro looks. Sanji agitatedly burst through the door again, but this time the archaeologist stopped him by pinning him against the wall. Her arms held down his tense shoulders as she spoke without looking back, "Cook-san, are you feeling alright?"

"I-I! Yeah, Robin-chwanI'mfine," his voice was raspy and hoarse, concluding her sleep theory.

"Sanji-san, I really think that you should-"

"SANJI, THE _BOTTLE!"_ Zoro's hectic voice was no better. Robin cold understand how taking care of a baby for the first time can wear someone out, but this was ridiculous.

"I'MSORRYMYBEAUTIFULFLOWERBUTBREAKFASTWILLBELATE," Sanji spat out, ripping away from Robin's grip. The arms vanished as the cook grabbed another bottle from the counter and darted out of the galley. Robin sympathized them, she really did. Already in this poor state after a month, and she hadn't seen Zoro train recently. No, this couldn't go on. She had to admit she didn't offer any help. Nor did she see Nami or Franky offer.

The navigator entered the room, smiling when she spotted Robin helping herself to green tea. "Hey, Robin. Where's Sanji-kun?" he asked. The cook was always the first one to wake up and normally breakfast would be decoratively set on the table. Robin had an expressionless look as she sipped, nimble fingers stock still. "Breakfast will be late," she repeated. "Navigator-san, have you helped at all with Ko?"

"Oh, yes. I play and sit with him for a while from time to-"

"Yes, but have you actually _helped_?" Robin took on a venomous tone, though it was not her intention. Nami blinked at the sudden sharpness. Well, no, she hadn't helped as far as she needed to, but no one asked. In fact, had _anyone_ assisted the couple? Nami shook her head regretfully, taking a seat next to the other. Robin hummed, "How unfortunate. It seems that we are not acting like true nakama. I for one am ashamed, and everyone else should be as well."

"I am. I didn't really think about it until now. Franky _did_ say the room was sound proof, so no one ever heard Ko crying. Should we...?" Robin nodded, setting her cup down. Why didn't she see this situation sooner? She couldn't the deny the guilt that was silently eating her on the inside. Whether Nami felt the same or not, Robin was determined to do something about it.

The empathizing women stood uncertainly outside of Zoro and Sanji's new room. Robin gathered the courage to knock, and the door instantly opened. Ko's cries filled the hallway, and Sanji's exhausted face held shock and surprise. "Robin-chwan~ Nami-swan~! What are my beautiful angels doing here? I'm deeply sorry abou bre-"

"We're not here about breakfast, Sanji-kun," Nami admitted. "We're here to help."

The cook raised an eyebrow as Ko became ear-piercingly louder. "Help? But my dears, you..."

"It is quite all right, Cook-san. You and Kenshi-san have deserved some time off."

"But-but Ko needs us!"

Robin kindly smiled, "Ko will be in safe hands. You two need rest right now, so a day away from him won't be the end of the earth." Sanji sighed, remembering the last time he smoked. He glanced at Zoro finally succeeding in calming the unsatisfiable child down. Would it really be okay to leave their newborn so soon? He cracked his spine in relief, "Okay, fine. Oi, Marimo. Are you willing to give Ko up for the day?"

"That depends," Zoro forcibly cleared his throat, "on who's watching him." He spotted Robin eagerly waving to him, and Nami practically a pile of goo from the thought of being with her nephew. Sighing, the swordsman guessed the girls were better than Luffy. Wrapped in a blue blanket Ko was handed over to the archaeologist willingly. The baby boy whined and kicked his feet once in Robin's arms. The sheer strength alone in his legs were enough to push her arm painfully away. She winced, but did her best not to let it show. Zoro and Sanji needed this alone time.

H{}H

Robin and the navigator sat in their lawn chairs, Ko comfortably in Robin's lap. He squirmed and kicked in boredom as he clutched the corner of his blanket. Robin hushed him along with making nonsense sounds, nothing proving to work. She huffed in annoyance before flashing a bright smile, turning the child to face her. She stroked his blue-green hair gently, "Hi Ko~! Who's a little Triclinic?" Robin cooed. Nami blinked. What the hell kind of baby talked was that?

"What did you just call him?"

"Oh, Triclinic. You know, the crystal system of turquoise?"

"..."

"What? There's nothing _natural_ that's turquoise!"

"Well, you can make something that's turquoise."

"Like what?"

"Like...Zoro looks like a marimo, and let's say Sanji-kun is a...blueberry."

"A mari-berry?"

"Mm, more like a blu-rimo."

Usopp and Luffy came around the mast laughing about something no doubt idiotic, and the captain nearly fainted from excitement at the sight of the restless baby. One of Robin's arms stopped him before his bombarded into them, grabbing his vest from the back. Luffy groaned in disappointment when Usopp got to go near the infant instead. "Oh! Heya, Ko! Coochie coochie coo!"

"It's not Ko," Nami claimed, "He's a blurimo!"

"The hell is that?"

"Longnose-kun! Don't curse in front of him," Robin scolded.

"But "hell" isn't a curse word. Shanks told me it was a place that's made of FIRE!" Luffy butted in, freeing himself from the older's hold. Ko watched as the four debated on the hell topic repeatedly, growing bored again. He made little irritable noises and fussed in Robin's lap. Luffy grinned as he excitedly held his hands out to him. "Come to Luffy-Nii-san~!"

Should she even let Luffy _stare_ at him, let alone _hold_? The captain had a habit of being a bit clumsy, if not utterly dangerous. Nami desperately shook her head, but Robin didn't notice her sign of disapproval. Hesitantly and "cautious" being an understatement, the older woman stood and told Luffy to sit on the chair. She set Ko in his jittery lap as he glowed with admiration. The blurimo blankly stared up at the boy, giggling and brutally slapping a hand over Luffy's nose. He enjoyed the cry of pain from his baby strength(1), laughing louder. The captain winced and pouted, "Neh, that wasn't very nice. Apologize!"

"Sencho, he's a newborn. He can't speak ye-" Ko didn't have to talk to apparently apologize. The infant cooed, absently rubbing Luffy's bruised nose in comfort. Usopp went on about how babies absolutely loved him, and how he would soon be Ko's favorite. Nami told him to put his money where his mouth is, and the sharpshooter stuck his nose in the air proudly. He quickly kneeled in front of the giggling blurimo and captain.

"Oi, Ko~! Wanna a story from The Great Captain Usopp?"

Zoro wrapped his arms tightly around Sanji's waist; he only got the chance to do this at night. Barely. When Ko wasn't upset about sleeping in the crib and cried for majority of the night (which unfortunately happened quite often), the swordsman could snuggled with the lovecook. He wasn't much a of cuddler, but he needed this contact. His bones ached from standing all of the time, from total exertion, from the lack of sleep. Sanji petted his hair and sighed, letting his muscles relax. They both had Ko on their minds, but had no doubt about their nakama's judgment. With Robin handling it, how much damage could get done?

"What are you thinking about?" the cook suddenly whispered.

"How the hell we're gonna get through this. Damn it, I blame you."

"What I'd do?"

"You just couldn't keep it in your pants, or preferably use protection."

"Are you regretting Ko?" Sanji urged.

Zoro sighed; of course he wasn't. Of course Ko would have his good times and bad ones, and no one ever said parenting was easy except idiots. He just wished there was a way to keep Ko happy and satisfied all the time. He just wished that their kid was an easy one to please. "No, it's the stress getting to me. I'll never regret having him. I regret the fucking _pain_ of it, but not him."

Sanji hummed. He needed this time with his marimo. A month and a half of nothing irrelevant to baby subjects; he didn't know how much more he could take before collapsing. Zoro yawned loudly, resting his head on the cook's stomach. "How long do you think we've got?"

"Til what?"

"Til all hell breaks loose up there."

Sanji shrugged, shifting a bit to embrace the swordsman. He honestly had no clue.

"-and to this day, the whales all across the oceans come at my command!" Usopp finished. Nami rolled her eyes, Robin only chuckled lowly, and Luffy had gone into his worship mode. Ko narrowly stared at the longnose, uninterested and doubtful of everything that was said. The navigator laughed; her nephew was smarter than the captain!

"Oi, oi Usopp! Looks like the money fell out of your mouth with little effort," she snickered. The sharpshooter's smug expression dropped into a depressed state. Why wasn't Ko entertained in the slightest? Part of it could be that he didn't understand what "whales" and a "king" were. He deemed that the reason and forgivingly patted the baby's head, earning a disgruntled sound and a flick of his leg connecting with his nose. He pulled back and held the injured appendage with care and slight anger. Damn Sanji DNA!

"Ohhh! Ko-kun has Zoro's strength and Sanji's kick," Luffy exclaimed with wonder.

"Yes, let's just hope he doesn't learn how to sent his leg ablaze," Robin laughed.

The captain blinked, an idea suddenly coming to mind. "Neh, Robin," he called, hugging the protesting child, "What can newborns do and learn?"

The older woman was surprised at his seriousness, "Oh, um. Well, the really can't do anything. Not many things can catch their attention spans, but they can try to mimic facial expressions. Watch this." Robin stuck out her tongue in front of Ko, who didn't appreciate that gesture. He did the same with more annoyance; a perfect replica of the other. Luffy grinned, already thinking of ways to use this to his advantage.

H{}H

The day was over sooner than the crew expected. Luffy was devastated when Nami and Robin had to take Ko back after dinner (which was cooked by Franky), suggesting that Ko could sleep in his hammock with him. Nami explained the _several_ matter-o-fact reasons why that was a bad idea, one of them being because he's a wild sleeper. The girls knocked on Sanji and Zoro's room; it briskly opening a second later. Sanji appeared better as far as health, and the swordsman was still snoozing away on the bed. The cook smiled and his eyes darted to the still form in Robin's arms, "My darlings! I hope he didn't cause too much trouble for you."

Nami did her best to contain her laughter, "He...he was a perfect angel. Goodnight, Sanji-kun."

Once Ko was handed off, goodnights were bid and the door was shut. Zoro cracked an eye open, grinning at the sight the baby. He hadn't realized how much he _missed_ his little brat until now. Sanji cradled him as he sat down on the bed, Zoro sitting up right in the process. "No scratches or marks. I guess we could trust them again," the cook examined.

Suddenly, Ko squirmed and pushed away from Sanji's chest. Was he hungry again? Exactly how many times did he eat today? The swordsman moved to take him from the blonde, but stopped midway. He felt something bubble up in his chest; something warm, almost burning. "T-The hell?" he tried to frown, but the attempt was sadly defeated by the roaring laughter spilling out. Sanji raised an eyebrow at him, following his gaze to Ko's face. The infant had his lips poked out in a sour way, his eyes were low, and his eyebrows knitted together in mocked anger. "What's so funny?" Sanji questioned. He didn't get the punch line!

Zoro drew in a breath, "He-he! BAHAHAAHAHA!"

"Spit it out!"

"He's m-making the Sanji Face! HAHA!"

The cook felt his temple throb, "And what, pray tell, is that?!"

"It's the face you make when you're in silent anger."

"When have I ever made that face?! And I don't approve of everyone branding me as a joke!"

"Oh, come on! He looks exactly like you!" Sanji ignored him. He was glad Ko was back in their care, because now being with the swordsman only annoyed him.

Me: Long as hell. It didn't wanna end!

Mid: (1) Babies can be SUPER strong when they wanna hurt you!


	17. Prompt 4

_Maybe u could make a chapter on Sanji trying to get Zoro to breastfeed...boy how I'd like to see what happens.-Paint Me Soft Red_

"No."

"Why not?"

"Just no, you sick fuck."

Sanji chuckled. He wasn't doing this for him (sort of), it was for the baby. Chopper said the breast machine was an option, but it would be best for Ko to get the nutrients straight from Zoro, seeing as machines could only do so much. Zoro, like the stubborn bastard he is, refused to let Ko drink from him. He preferred the bottle hands down, even though he hadn't even _tried_ the old-fashioned way. The cook badgered and pestered him for a explanation, but the swordsman wouldn't let up. Maybe it felt weird. Did he try it already and it hurt? Women didn't appear to be in pain from it in public.

Also, he rather did want to see Zoro breastfeed. It wasn't for some sick perversion...kind of. He couldn't describe it; the want to see Zoro breastfeeding. He imagined the sight funny to him and degrading to the other, and he knew it would be the absolute best for his child; Chopper's words. The swordsman had been using the bottle for four months now, couldn't he change it up a bit for Ko's sake?

"Chopper said it would be better this way. Please, for Ko?" Sanji pouted. Zoro flopped down on the bed and groaned irritably. Damn cook, couldn't let him be, could he? What was the big deal anyway? As if it wasn't embarrassing enough to use the damn machine, he wanted him to hold Ko up to his-no. There seemed to be something just strange and odd and completely ridiculous about the action that he refused to face such humiliation.

"No, the bottle doesn't change a damn thing. Now leave me alone so I can feed him. Where's the machine?"

"In the ocean."

"WHAT-"

"A few miles back."

"-THE FUCK, COOK?" Zoro yelled. Sanji smiled sheepishly. Yes, he did it, but it wasn't intentional. The first mate kept complaining about the breast size, and he wanted to do something considerate for him. So, while Zoro and Ko napped earlier, Sanji the machine to Franky, who was working on the broken deck railing. Well, tried anyway. Luffy and Usopp were playing one of their extreme games of Tag and bumped into him before he could make it over to the cyborg. He should've had a stronger grip on the device, but then again he wasn't expecting to be ambushed from behind. Long story short, he asked Chopper for advice on what kind of excuse he could use, but the reindeer scolded him for being untruthful.

Zoro's eyes widened, "That's why you wanted...!"

"Yes." Partly the reason anyway.

"And Chopper's...?!"

"Doesn't make a difference, really."

"Are you...?!"

"No, I'm not proud of myself. I'm sorry, Marimo, it was an accident. You kept saying that it wasn't comfortable so I took it to Franky but the rubber ass and shitty longnose pushed me and it fell," Sanji breathed out. He honestly wanted Zoro to breastfeed, but damn, if he didn't feel guilty for something that wasn't his fault. The swordsman stared at the ceiling silently in thought, racking Sanji's nerves. When Zoro was quiet, it was never a good sign. "Mossy?"

"Don't fucking "Mossy" me. Ugh, damn it," Zoro spat, covering his face with a slap of his hands. Sighing, he sat up and started stripping off the top of his kimono, sliding down his shoulders. He pointed to Ko's crib, where the infant began to wake from his slumber. Sanji brought the baby over to Zoro, who scowled at him once Ko was pressed against his chest. "_You're an asshole for the record_," he mouthed. The cook nodded and couldn't fight the smug grin forming ever so proudly. Zoro glanced down at Ko, now wide awake and rapidly blinking, and held his head up to one of his erm, _breasts_. The infant appeared skeptical at first, but apparently instinct took over and Ko eagerly began suckling on it. The blonde snickered, ignoring the heated glare he didn't need to look at in order to know he was receiving.

"Is it really that bad?" he questioned.

"No, I just don't like it," Zoro blushed a deep red once he noticed Sanji's undeterred attention was casted on him, "And quit staring."

"I can't help it. You look so...motherly and caring. It's cute."

"'It' better mean Ko," the marimo hissed. Cute things didn't apply to him; he was considered a demon for God's sake. How could Sanji categorize him with kittens and fucking puppy dogs?

"You know," the cook began, "babies that are breastfed gain their mother's confidence, pride, and ambition. Ko's gonna be great because of you."

Zoro smiled genuinely. That ass-kisser. "You made that up, didn't you?"

"Doesn't make it any less true, now does it?" Sanji grinned.


	18. Prompt 5

_Ko is very clingy to Zoro and Sanji gets jealous! Then gets depressed when his son cries in his arms, and Zoro comforts him. -babygaaralover_

"Ko, down! Ko," Zoro stressed. It's already been ten months, when it seems like Ko was crying his eyes out every hour on the hour yesterday. The child had grown considerably, though he still couldn't walk yet. Said infant had his arms wrapped around Zoro's neck in a death grip as the swordsman tried to put him in his high chair.

"Mama! Mama!" Ko whined. Zoro eventually gave up in setting him down and smiled. In the inside, he was pissed that Usopp taught him the difference between Mommy and Daddy, but decided it was too cute to get angry about.

Sanji watched from the kitchen counter as he chopped up tomatoes for lunch. You know, with Ko it was never Dada, or ever wanting to cling to _him_ like that. It was as if Sanji wasn't in the picture at all. Of course Ko knew him, and probably knew who he was to him, but the cook got treated like an ordinary crew member. Hell, Luffy got treated better than him! And to make it worse, all of Zoro's undivided attention went to Ko. Every second of every hour of every _fucking_ day. Sanji used to have his marimo to himself at night, but that's when Ko decided he wanted to sleep with Mama. No, Dada in that statement.

Zoro finally got Ko seated with plenty of struggle involved. "Oi, I'm gonna ask Nami when the next island comes around. We're low on baby food. Watch him," he ordered flatly. Sanji grunted in affirmative, continuing his preparations. Once the first mate left the room, Ko started whinning and slamming his hands against the table. He didn't cry like usual, which actually pissed the blonde off. Crying was always a signal from the infant. Ones like "I'm hungry" or "I'm tired" or "I'm bored". When Ko acted like this, violent and needy, Zoro was _always_ the reason.

"Oi, cut that out. You'll hurt yourself," Sanji scolded.

Ko repeatedly hit the table, if not harder than before. Was he testing the cook's patience or just purposely trying to annoy him? "Ko, stop," Sanji demanded louder.

"Ma-ma! Ma-ma! MA-MA~!" The boy yelled and chanted until the cook bit down on his unlit cigarette hard enough to break it in half. His knife now brutally jabbed in the cutting board, Sanji finally snapped.

"GOD DAMNIT MAMA'S NOT FUCKING HERE, OKAY? NOW STOP BEFORE YOU FUCKING _HURT YOURSELF_!"

The galley was dead silent for what seemed like an eternity. Sanji didn't have the willpower to glance back. The searing guilt was too heart-wrenching; regret formed in the pit of his stomach. Did Ko actually listen, or had he gone a bit too far? As he debated whether or not to break down and hug and snuggle Ko, the infant began sniffling quietly behind him.

"...Da-da?"

Sanji whipped his head around with tear-filled wide eyes. The food was forgotten momentarily as the blonde absently spit out his broken cigarette. Ko...said Dada. He finally said "Dada"! Sanji felt like such an ass now. The infant wasn't looking at him at all; the floor seemed more interesting as it caught his slowly falling tears. The cook went over to him and placed a gentle hand on Ko's head. Sanji picked him up and held him close as he started stroking the small patch of turquoise lovingly. Ko cried hard in his arms, balling his dress shirt up in his tiny fists as the sour tears dampened it. Sanji cooed and apologized over and over again; he felt like a jackass type of father. Ko was hurting, but the cook was sure he was the most wounded.

Zoro came back minutes later to see this emotional and fatherly loving sight in total confusion. Sanji and Ko didn't notice him entered and continued bawling in each other's arms. "Um, what happened while I was gone?" he questioned.

The blonde seemed worse than the actually child. Tears came down as fast as a waterfall, and his entire face was flushed as well as his ears. He tried to explain, but all that came out were mumbled and incoherent sobs. Zoro shook his head and sighed deeply. He went over to his weeping babies and embraced them, sandwiching Ko in the middle. He had no clue what happened or what was going on, and he surely couldn't tell if they were in pain or happy. But he had no doubt that it seemed very important.

As Zoro pulled away, he expected Ko to be tightly hanging off of his kimono, but to his surprise the infant's arms instantly went around Sanji's neck. "Dada," he pouted at the swordsman. Sanji felt a smirk curl at his lips. Let's see how Zoro liked being the one in the dark.


	19. Prompt 6

_What about one where Sanji and Zoro are woken up at night by Ko's crying but they have trouble making him stop because he's teething...if we only get one prompt you can happily ignore this one.-Paint Me Soft Red_

Me: WHY WOULD WE IGNORE YOU?!

Mid: WE ARE ANGERED THAT YOU THINK SO!

Me: Nah, we won't ignore you ^_^ Prompts are prompts and you guys have awesome ideas. Don't be shy! But the more I get, the later chapters are probably gonna be posted. Posted nonetheless though!

Zoro groaned and lightly kicked Sanji's shin through the blanket. Ko's crying only increased as it practically shook the room in Zoro's mind. This was eleventh time this week, and the infant suffering from sleep deprivation was absolutely not healthy. Poor Ko had begun teething two weeks ago, and Chopper's advice about the teething ring only did so much before the baby got bored with it.

Sanji kicked him back, turning over on his side to face him. The swordsman's eyes remained tightly closed. He had his turn already! Zoro knew today was his shift, but the bastard was being too lazy. "Zoro," the blonde growled lowly. No way in hell was he missing two nights of sleep in a row. Zoro didn't seem to be affected by the menacing tone and pulled the cover over his irritated face. Sanji huffed throwing the oh so welcoming blanket off his body, the cold air immediately ganging up on him. He shivered as he stood, feeling the marimo softly kick his ass for encouragement.

"Shh, shh, Ko. S'okay, honey," Sanji hushed, cradling the bawling child.

"You sound like an old woman."

"Aren't you supposed to be sleep?"

"...Maybe."

"Then fuck off to sleep!"

Zoro sighed, "I can't when you're not doing your job right."

"Do you want your turn back?"

"Hell no, but I'll show you the right way to do it," the swordsman offered. Sanji scoffed over Ko's cries. He knew what to do in this type of situation; he's read books on previous islands. What could Zoro possibly do that he hasn't for the past few nights? The swordsman made a "give him here" gesture, which he gladly did. Ko paused in confusion, but soon started up again. Zoro drew soft comforting circles on the infant's back, quieting the cries but erupting various whimpers. Sanji crossed his arms over his chest lazily, awaiting the marimo's next move. Then, Zoro did something completely unexpected and frankly rude. He grabbed the blonde's right arm and straightened out his hand. Turning Ko away from his chest, he placed Sanji's index finger in the boy's mouth. Shocked and a bit disgusted, Sanji frowned as Ko began happily gumming his flange.

"...Damn you," he growled at Zoro, pulling his hand away. Ko screamed (thank God for sound-proof-ity) and flaied his whole body. In a panic, Sanji hurriedly put it back. Zoro laughed loudly. He didn't think it would actually work. "The hell am I supposed to do? Sleep with something munching on me all night?" Sanji hissed.

Zoro grinned broodingly, "You don't have to, dumbass. Look."

Sanji's eyes darted to Ko, whose snoring vibrated through his hand. Ko's head drooped when the drool-covered finger was removed carefully. The child's snoring resembled Zoro's, although it was a bit lighter and more spaced out. Sanji gave his hand a horrific look, searching around the room for a box of tissue. While he thoroughly rubbed his hand raw, Zoro set Ko back in his crib. He smiled and pulled his annoyed cook to bed with him. Maybe this could work again tomorrow.


	20. Prompt 7

_...smirk hey what about a little humorous bit where Ko hears Usopp swear and then won't stop it being his 3rd word_

_what about potty training that he's already potty trained by Brook during a baby sitting once but the parents don't know because he forgot to tell them. -Whimsical warrior_

Usopp continued to work on his new invention: a sand and mud combination distraction gun. When his opponent would ready their attack, a quick dose of smund (that's what he decided to call it) in their unsuspecting eyes can give him extra time. As he worked below deck, Ko sat beside him playing with his over stuffed rabbit, making incoherent sounds to him like Usopp understood him. Ko was already two-years-old. He could walk steadily (he had a bit of trouble going up stairs), and he vocabulary was very limited. Chopper announced that some babies took a while longer to get the hang of learning words, and Ko could be no exception. The only words he could speak clearly with no fault were Mama and Dada.

Usopp smiled at the boy, who thought he was actually having a conversation. The longnose would occasionally response with awe and amazement, which was the sole reason why Ko kept talking. It was already proven that the infant didn't like his great tales of the sea, so why did he chose to stay with him? Zoro and Sanji were free, each doing their own thing upstairs, but Ko insisted on staying with Usopp while he tinkered. Maybe the boy was seeing him as an awesome big brother? Usopp grinned, deciding to stay on that reason.

While he thought about the fun possibilities, the Philip screwdriver he was putting pressure on slipped off the screw and jabbed him right under his fingernail. He yelled out in pain, absently grumbling, "Son of a bitch!"

Ko giggled next to him, playing upsy-daisy with his rabbit. "Bee-yatch!"

Usopp went pale. No, no, no, no! He tried to calm himself and ignore it, hoping that it was a one time thing. What were the odds of Ko saying it ever again?

"Usopp, I came to get my darling little nephew~!" Nami called from the door. Usoop took a deep breath, thankful that the navigator wasn't in the room at the time. The sharpshooter took ahold of Ko's shoulder's and turned him around to his face. He stared at him sternly, "Ko-kun, make sure not to say that new word to Aunt Nami. It'll...um, make her sad. Got it?"

Ko nodded vigorously, a serious expression taking over, "Bah!"

Nami took him with her up onto the Sunny's deck where Robin and Luffy awaited her return. Robin thought it would be a good idea to teach Ko the little things around him, including pictures from a book she purchased. Luffy thought he could get in a few "Call me Nii-san"s in while this happened, though Robin said repeatedly that she doubted it. Nami and the small boy sat on the edge of Nami's lawn chair in front of the archaeologist. "OH~! What should we teach him first?" the captain bellowed.

"It would only be logical to teach him our names," Robin stated. She smiled at the infant brightly, gaining his attention. "Robin. Ro-bin. Can you say Ro-bin?"

Ko blinked several times before uttering a single sound. When he did, all that he could form was, "Dabeen."

Luffy clapped excitedly, "Say Luffy! Luuuuuffffyy."

Ko narrowed his eyes in thought and pointed sheepishly, "Yaguta!"

Nami whirled him around and sent a huge grin his way. "Say Aunt Nami! Na-mi."

Ko stared at her blankly. He giggled and pointed at her nose with confidence, "Bee-yatch!"

Zoro tiredly set down his weights after a well spent hour. He panted heavily, flopping down on his ass to the floor. He'd only done 4,589 swings today, and he was already exhausted out of his mind. He was slacking; normally he'd make it to ten thousand at the least. It would take a while before his muscles went back to the strength he had before.

Nami suddenly stormed up the stairs with Ko in her hands; her face a tropical paradise for pure anger. Zoro raised an eyebrow at her as she shoved the giggling infant in his face. "FUCK. YOU. TOO." And with that, the pissed off navigator stomped away, leaving the puzzled swordsman with his snickering child.

H{}H

"Why are you accusing me? I haven't taught him anything but a few recipes!" Sanji protested. How could Zoro just come in the galley and demand to know why Ko knew a curse word. Like he fucking knew; he hasn't been with him today except breakfast and lunch. And the cook was certain he didn't swear in the presence of his child and beautiful angels.

Zoro didn't seem to buy it though, "Said the only foul-mouthed freaker on the gosh darn ship!"

"Oh, what, are you gonna start talking like that just because Ko said one bad word? We gotta teach him; he needs to learn what to say and what not to. That's natural, isn't it?"

"He is learning! That's why he's in the corner!"

"What's the corner gonna teach him? Angles and seams?"

Ko whimpered at the galley wall. His face was twisted in mild pain and his small fists gripped at his navy blue pants. He wiggled from side to side with one leg crossing over the other every second. Sanji and Zoro forgot about their fight to shoot him a confused glance. Zoro knew that gesture quite well; kids on previous islands always did that when they had to _really_ go to the bathroom. But Ko still wears diapers on account of many potty training failures, so why doesn't he just...?

Zoro pursed his lips, "What's he doing?"

"I think he needs to go," Sanji claimed.

"...Why doesn't he go?"

"I don't know. Ko, what's wrong?"

"Dada! Mmgh," he whined, jumping up and down frantically. The swordsman frowned. Couldn't his bladder implode if he held it too long? The hell was he supposed to do to make him go? Ko's pants became soaked quickly as the infant shook in relief, sighing in the process. Zoro slapped his forehead with his palm as Sanji went to fetch the mop from the utility closet. Then something odd occurred to him. He kneeled next to Ko, carefully avoiding the puddle, and patted his legs and waist down. What he _should_ have felt was the cushion of the wet diaper, but only felt regular underwear. Zoro narrowed his eyes in suspicion, "Oi. Where's your pamper?"

"Nah bagah," Ko babbled. Sanji sighed, he heard of toddlers taking off their diapers and running around. But he's never heard or saw toddlers putting their pants back on afterwards.

"Someone must have took it off," Sanji observed aloud, "but who?"

"That's...not what I'm thinking," Zoro slowly stated.

"You're thinking? Someone get a picture!"

"I'm thinking why he would hesitate to go. And shut up you son of a bitch," Zoro quipped.

Ko giggled, "Dada bee-yatch!"

"OI YOU WATCH YOUR MOUTH," Sanji growled. The swordsman couldn't help but laugh at the situation. Ko gets it. That, or he's just saying this off the top of his head. Zoro wanted to believe the first reason, though. The annoyed blonde vigorously scrubbed at the stained floorboards as the loveable skeleton crew member waltzed through the kitchen door. His violin in one hand and the bow in the other, Brook flashed his toothy smile at the three, but it soon faded in sight of the strange occurence. Zoro asking Ko multiple serious questions, who seemed miserable from the stern talking-to, and the frustrated cook, who couldn't seem to get out the unknown stain. Brook scratched his afro with his bow in, confused at what happened. Did the infant spill some type of sticky juice?

"Sanji-san? I was hoping I could trouble you for some milk. It's-"

"Good for the bones. Yo ho ho and a bottle of fucking rum. Yeah yeah, right after I clean up. Ko had an accident."

"Oh?" Brook's voice rose in surprise. "That's peculiar indeed. He's been doing fantastic on the toilet. I wonder why."

The first mate stood up, much to Ko's relief, and stared Brook down despite his height. His burning glare could melt a hole through Brook's hair of he tried hard enough. Brook grew paler than he already was, which was nearly impossible. Oh, fuck, he hadn't told Zoro and Sanji yet, but everyone else knew. How could he forget the two most important people? Zoro placed his hands on his hips in a non-macho Zoro like way and roughly grabbed the skeleton by his suit jacket, much like he did the cook when pissed off. Brook swallowed (though he had no spit glands yohoho), and braced himself for whatever was about to happen. "The fuck did you mean by that?" Zoro grounded out.

"Ah, well, when the crew goes on islands and leaves me to watch Ko-kun and the Sunny, I've been helping him with restroom issues. Everyone sort of...knows except for you two. Gomen, I could have sworn I informed you." This also confirmed why Ko's pull-ups were never wet anymore.

"How long has he been able to?"

"Eh, about a week, or two...or three."

"THREE WEEKS?! DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY GOD DAMN TIMES WE WENT TO CHOPPER BECAUSE OUR KID HASN'T BEEN PISSING OR ANYTHING?" Sanji yelled. Good God, he wasn't sure if Ko was human anymore, and the damn skeleton trains him without even telling them? Trained quite well, in fact. The cook admitted he had to give Brook props on that. For some reason, Ko hasn't been trying with Zoro or him around. Why Brook? Why a walking, talking, seven-foot skeleton? If anything, Brook was the reason kids pissed their pants in the first place.

"How the hell'd you do it?" Zoro gaped in awe. After what he's been through, _Brook_ of all people succeeds?

"Ko-kun seems to like my song Walking in the Moonlight. When I played it that day, he...kept going to the bathroom in his trousers. So eventually, I taught him more about the toilet and he soon got the hang of it. I'm dreadfully sorry for not telling you; I assumed I did."

Zoro smiled, deeming the incident water under the bridge. At least Ko was already partly trained, and at least it wasn't Luffy who taught him. Sanji, however, didn't seem all that pleased. At any rate, still angry. He shoved the handle of the mop in Brook's bony hands, "Well, then _you_ can clean it up. Do it and I'll think about the milk."


	21. Prompt 8

_Ko is crawling and has an adventure in the Mikan grove, he has to rescue Mama. Mainly dreaming snuggling close to Zoro's chest, with Sanji wondering what he is dreaming about.-babygaaralover_

"Okay, Ko-kun, you stay in the playpen, I'll be right back," Nami declared, petting Ko' head tenderly. The child blinked, eyes darting around the four surrounding walls. The playpen wasn't large; at the most a medium size. The infant pouted and threw his favorite stuffed rabbit down dully, crossing his arms. He didn't want to stay inside this _thing_, let alone with the persistent navigator, always attempting to teach him random stuff. The Sunny was steering towards the sun, which meant that the deck was awfully warm. Not a blazing heat, but a slight warm breeze. Ko, dressed in blue overalls and a bright orange shirt, did not like limited hotness.

Oh, what he wouldn't give to be with Mama or Dada. Or possibly Luffy; the anxious captain made him laugh very hard. The deck was deathly soundless, except for this constant purring noise above Ko's head. He'd be lying if he said he wasn't extremely curious, but of course there was nothing he could do to see what it is. The wretched playpen blocked his view. Purring became scratchy; a scratchy noise that the infant knew all too well.

It was Mama's sound he made when napping.

Fucking snoring, Ko remembered Dada calling it.

Why was it coming from above? Usually it came from beside him or across the room. Did that mean something? If so, was it good or bad? "Mama," Ko called, on the verge of tears. He wanted Zoro now; he didn't think he could wait another second. Ko grabbed the crib's inner sheet and pulled it down repeatedly, causing the crib to violently rock back and forth until it finally toppled over. Ko rolled out without hurting himself, but he couldn't be bothered with boo-boos. Mama's sound began fading and Ko whined hesitantly, staring up at the fresh grove.

Luffy raised an eyebrow at the infant and elbowed Usopp beside him. Said sharpshooter almost fell off the bubble wrapped railing from the force. The captain went along oblivious as always as Usopp was damn near hanging on for his life. "Neh, Usopp. Should we help Ko?"

Longnose glanced back at the little boy, who hasn't moved from staring intensely at the Mikan grove. He didn't appear to be crying, and there wasn't anything dangerous around him. Would there be a reason to help? However, the infant did let out a loud whimper while heading for the stairs. Usopp sprang upwards and dropped his fishing pole, but Luffy stopped him before he could take a step towards Ko. "Luffy what are you-"

"Don't," the captain grinned, "Leave him alone. He wants to get up there on his own. We can just watch if something goes wrong."

Ignoring his captain's doubts, Ko crawled up the steps with immense struggles, his small lungs loosing breath too quickly to keep going. Mama's noise started up again, sounding a bit hitched. That motivated Ko enough to climb up the next seven huge steps. When the infant reached the top, he hadn't expected this. There was no way he thought he could get through _this_. To the rest of the crew, the Mikan grove was just a few bushes. But to a baby of his size, it resembled a wide tropical jungle. Ko was intimidated to say the least. How the hell could he find Mama in there without getting eaten, or lost? Zoro's snoring stayed at its slow and obnoxious pace, but it still voiced above him. No doubt it was closer, which meant he was closer, but Ko couldn't pinpoint where it was coming from.

Crawling through a fuzzy bush, Ko pushed away unwanted branches that stuck to his overalls. He wiggled and squeezed past round orange monsters with sharp teeth and piercing eyes that had a fruity familiarity to Ko. Zoro's snoring got louder and clearer, succeeding in fastening Ko's crawls and making him more cautious. The infant spotted a different kind of green a mere foot away, and Mama's sound spouted from it. Ko loved Mama's soft green hair and he'd know it anywhere. Slowly crawling over to the large patch, Ko slammed his hand down on it, happily cheering, "MAMA!"

"AH WHA-? Yay, Ko! You saved me," Zoro cried, picking up the infant and showering him with loving kisses. Ko giggled and he could hear Luffy and Usopp praising him in the background, yelling about how great and amazing he was. They soon joined Zoro and him to shout, "THREE CHEERS FOR KO! HIP HIP-"

"WORAAYYYYY~" Ko mumbled in his sleep, kicking his leg out. Said leg powerfully collided with Zoro's stomach, knocking the wind out of him. Sometimes he damned Sanji for having such strong genetics, and most of the time Sanji damned him for having stubborn traits. Ko snuggled closer to the swordsman, mumbling sweet nothings into his shirt. Zoro pulled the blanket higher over their bodies and sighed.

Sanji chuckled beside him, which came as a surprise. The cook was normally out like a light as soon as he hit the mattress. "What do you think he's dreaming about?" he asked weakly.

Zoro shrugged, "Let's just hope Luffy didn't shove crazy meat wonders in his head."

Me: Okay, I've got to finish two more prompts. After that, it's finished! I repeat: Please stop killing me with prompts!


	22. Prompt 9

_Ko gets sick.-Dragon77_

Ko sneezed into the air, and also partly on Chopper's hat. The doctor's face twisted with disgust as he cleaned himself down with a disinfectant wipe, and quickly sprayed the room afterwards. Chopper didn't like germs at all. Mainly because they were the reason people got sick. And also because Dr. Kurehna told the young reindeer horrible diseases that could come of it. The infant had a minor cold, but a cold no less. Ko didn't like the Sick Bay very much, seeing as he kicked and fussed whenever he needed to enter it. Now the poor child had to stay in the infirmary temporarily; Chopper had such an exhausting time just trying to check Ko's throat. The best Chopper could do was give Ko cough medicine and let him rest.

"Mmf, Dada," Ko whined as he gripped the blanket.

"Mommy and Daddy will come later, Ko. Right now you need to take a nap," Chopper explained.

"Na?"

"Nap," Chopper repeated.

"Na-pa?"

The doctor smiled; toddler talk was similar to animal language. It was all about tone and specific body movements. And right now Ko was having a hard time understanding that he needed to sleep. Chopper supposed Sanji or Zoro (God forbid both at the same time) could try to coax Ko to sleep. The swordsman did seem like the most worried by the child's common illness. Maybe it should be Zoro that could help. Then again, the blonde cook acted overdramatically at hearing about Ko being sick. If Chopper wasn't mistaken, as he and Ko exited the room, he swore he heard "My baby~" sadly slip from the two men.

Perhaps if Chopper made them promise, the infirmary wouldn't end up in shingles. Again.

H{}H

Sanji opened the door to the Sick Bay, carrying a small tray of healthy snacks. Eating the right food group when sick was very important to the blonde. He was determined to make Ko better in no time with a bit of soup and juice; that always did the trick. To Sanji's surprise, Ko was sitting upright on the bed with his legs crossed and arms resting on them. Further surprise was found when he saw Zoro in the same meditate position beside the bed. What would Ko do, meditate the cold away? Sanji scoffed.

"Okay, now breath in, and now out. Don't think about anything. Repeat after me. Ohmmm," Zoro said.

"Ommm."

"Ohmmm."

"Omnommm."

"Ohmmmthisisuseless," Sanji eventually cut in. The swordsman's eyes shot open to glare at the other, but Ko had already jumped out of bed to hug the cook before he could speak. Sanji returned the hug with equal enthusiasm, guiding Ko back to bed afterwards.

"That won't do anything," he stated, setting down the tray on the nightstand. "What he needs is soup."

"Soup? The hell can soup do that the actual body can't?"

"It heals the soul."

"Fucking soup heals the soul? I refuse to believe pasta can even come in contact with the soul."

"You're one to talk. How the hell can a two-year-old meditate? Their minds are like steam engines for God's sake, and you tell him to clear it?"

"I started early."

"I bet _you_ never had to clear it since it was already empty."

"Oi, spare me Mr. Spiritual. Meditation can help the most idiotic of blondes."

"Don't stereotype around him!"

"Don't spout dumb food morals around him!"

Ko giggled at his parents' agreement. They really did provide the best entertainment for him, especially when together. The more they bickered, the harder Ko laughed as he munched on his juicy peach and chicken noodle soup. Chopper went below deck once the two men could be heard from outside. The sight the reindeer saw warmed his heart and he smiled. Zoro and Sanji were hitting each other with pillows over the head, snickering every once in a while when the other got in a good hit. Ko's face wasn't as red as before, and his throat sounded better too. The cook and swordsman smirked at each other, throwing both of their fluffy pillows towards Ko. The toddler blinked as the objects bounced off his head, then his chest shook along with his fit of loud laughter.

Chopper's smile stayed for quite sometime. At least his infirmary was still in one piece.


	23. Prompt 10

_Ko goes missing.-Dragon77_

Zoro held Ko's hand as they ventured further on Choki Choki Island; an island where Robin was informed held a rumored hidden polyglyph. The crowded village was larger than the others Ko had been on, so the two-year-old felt the need to run towards every little thing that seemed interesting. Which was every damn thing that moved. Zoro had a hell of time trying to keep him from running off, not to mention Ko was a hugger. It wouldn't be a pretty sight if someone got embraced by a random kid. Zoro's not even sure how he'd handle that either.

As they walked, a small pub began calling the swordsman's name. Oh, how long it has been since he had sake. Of course, he wasn't about to go inside with Ko. Only irresponsible parents did that. And he was responsible. Yes, very responsible indeed. Zoro sighed; he couldn't do it. He needed the sweet sensation of liquor running through his veins. Hasn't he been away from his precious booze long enough? But...Ko. What to do with the toddler? Said toddler had wanted his attention urgently for some time now, on account of his constant tugging and excited babbles. The swordsman glanced down at him, following where Ko's finger directed.

The shit-cook.

Zoro grinned. Hell yes; the first mate loved that man for multiple reasons, but the one that stood out was that Sanji had impeccable timing. The blonde was currently trying to bargain with a vender over fresh fruit, and by the looks of it, winning. Zoro made his way over to him, feeling giddy at the idea of delicious sake entering in body. "Oi, shitty cook," he leisurely called, "Watch Ko for me."

Sanji raised an eyebrow at the familiar voice and whirled, "Marimo? What have you got better to do?"

'Uh, I've got to...buy more paper...'cause...Nami asked me to." Ko ran over to Sanji and gripped at his black pants, making garbled words of joy.

The cook absently patted the child's head with care, "OH WHAT NAMI-SAN WANTS SHE MUST HAVE~! But why won't you take Ko with you?"

"I...don't want him to...get paper cuts? Yeah, paper cuts; oooh very dangerous. That's an automatic no-no, 'kay? Keep on eye on him!" Zoro strolled away, grinning like a dog with a juicy bone. True, he could have told him the actual reason, but the cook would have told him to suck it up and parent. Lying wasn't one of his best qualities after all, especially when he did to Sanji. Somehow he always knew when Zoro wasn't being truthful, so was he pretending or oblivious?

Ko tugged Sanji impatiently, pointing to a certain pond across from them. Sanji continued his bargain hunting with the angered vendor, trying to get at least a fucking discount. Ten beli for an apple? That's robbery! He felt Ko's hand pulling on his pants, but he couldn't play or talk now. Sanji would have to teach him how deadly angry vendors can be when bargaining.

"Five beli," the blonde ground out.

"FIFTEEN BELI," the vendor growled.

"Three beli. Take it or leave it."

"THAT'S...YOU...!"

"Oh? What's that I hear? It's the sound of no tourists besides me and my fucking nakama. It's the sound of poor production happening. So you gonna _take_ it or _leave_ it?"

The vendor huffed irritably and gave Sanji a bag full of apples for a low price, telling him not to come back and cursing pirates in general. The blonde smirked cockily as put them inside his cart. "C'mon, Ko. Let's g-"

...Where the fuck was Ko?

Sanji felt his heart be brutally ripped out by some unknown force; probably Zoro if he ever found out. The cook whipped around in all directions, but to no avail. Ko wasn't anywhere to be found. Shit, was he kidnapped? Or possibly lost since he was Zoro's child? Maybe Zoro returned and picked him up, right? That could have happened? What if Zoro was playing a sick prank on him to see if he'd react the proper way? Well, the proper way was to find the chef officer of the island, which he can't do because he's a damn pirate. What was the pirate way to go about this? Pillage and question? Forgetting the cart, Sanji ran back to the docks. The pirate way was to ask your nakama for help.

The Sunny lazily glided along the soft waves, seemingly peaceful. How could she be so peaceful at this time? If only she knew what a terrible thing Sanji did. He only hoped that someone, anyone made it back to the ship. Suddenly, a voice came from up the plank, a voice that scared Sanji white as a sheet.

"Ohhh, this is my meat song~! My tasty tasty meat song~!"

_Fuck, Luffy'll chew my ass out for this, but I have no choice,_ the blonde thought. Said rubber captain spotted him before he could shout for his attention. "Oh, Sanji! I was just thinking about you."

"Me or about food 'cause there's a difference, you ass," Sanji growled, getting side tracked on the matter at focus.

"Sorry, I was hungry."

"Yeah yeah, but right now I need your help! I lost Ko!"

"..."

"Ko's _gone_," Sanji snapped. Luffy tilted his head innocently. What did the blonde mean by that? Ko was fine, wasn't he?

Sanji huffed in annoyance, tapping his foot against the hard wood of the deck. "Ko went into Zoro mode," he stated slowly. The scatter brained captain stood stock still for a while longer, until enlightenment flashed across his face. Then afterwards shock and worry.

"EHHHH?! YOU LOST KO? How coul-"

"Yell at me later; help find now," the cook said, dragging Luffy off the Sunny by his vest. Sanji was lucky it wasn't Franky or Nami he'd need help from. Or Robin. God knows how many slap marks he'd have across his face if she found out.

The toddler splashed happily at the rapidly swimming fishes, soaking his clothes in the process. Oh, how he wanted to play in the water. Mama and Dada wouldn't take him to the pond, so he went himself. He giggled maniacally as tadpoles snaked in between his tiny fingers. Ko was certainly enjoying himself until a pair of hands lifted him from the cold water.

"My, my, Ko-kun. Looks like you need a change of clothes."

H{}H

Luffy, now in his serious mood, was not half bad at looking for lost children. Asking random villagers proved to be useless for a hour, and Sanji was beginning to go insane from nervousness and fear. What if they never found Ko? Could he possibly be hurt, or...the cook shivered; he did not want to think about the latter. No, Ko would be found, and Sanji could hug him until he resembled a blowfish. Zoro would never know, unless Luffy snitched of course. Knowing the captain, he would have no choice but to tell. Sanji didn't blame him; the only one he could blame was himself and his carelessness. Why hadn't he paid more attention? Ko was literally under his nose!

"Oi, Sanji," Luffy called, "have you pissed anyone off lately?"

"The hell is that supposed to mean?" Sanji growled.

"Focus. Have you?"

The fruit vendor immediately came to mind, but that's impossible. The man was still inside his shack when Ko disappeared. Besides, who would kidnap someone's kid just because of a discount? Well, Nami probably-_Focus, Sanji_. The blonde shook his head in reply. Luffy gave a curt nod and took the lead in searching. Sanji only followed like lost puppy.

Person after a person, building after building, field after field; no signs of where Ko was. Had he been taken off the island? Luffy thought so, considering he was dragging the cook into the ground, who was sadly mumbling several "I deserve this"s, hurrying back to the ship. There was no guarantee that everyone did their shopping already, meaning they would get left behind for a while. Realizing this, Sanji questioned him about the rest of the crew, in which the captain answered, "If they aren't hurt, Ko is more important."

As they made it to the Sunny and up the gangplank, Sanji quickly went over to the anchor to hoist it up. Before he could even touch the rope, he heard a small sound behind his back. That sound being wonderful music to his ears.

"Dada."

"Why do you look so flustered, Cook-san?" Robin questioned, her tone flat and menacing, "Did you _miss_ something?" Sanji flinched, not having the strength to turn around. This was not a problem, considering Robin had already grown four arms from the railing.

"_Slap._"


End file.
